A Letter from Lenny
This issue's about sin, so the question arises: What's my favorite? Hypothetically, murder. But that's not one of the Seven Deadly Sins, it's a commandment, so we'll go with Lust. It's the most rewarding. With Lust, if things go right, you always have a happy ending.
Gluttony, I know a lot about. I remember the time I got invited out to the International golf course in Bolton. They sat us down at this beautiful restaurant, and my wife said to me, “Honey, there are no prices on the menu. What does that mean?” It means eat all you want—we're not paying a thing! I had lobster, shrimp, crab, steak. She said, “Jesus, honey, you're being gluttonous.” I said, “Yes, I am, and I advise you to do the same.” So I got two more lobsters to go in my golf cart. Not a lobster salad sandwich. Not a lobster potpie. Actual lobsters. What do you think those towels on the golf bags are for?
Yeah. Every good glutton needs a towel.
I invented the cheese trap. You cook a hamburger, you cover the top with caviar, then you put the cheese on. It traps it so it doesn't get away. It's delicious.
Moving on, we come to Greed. The one thing I've always thought about Greed is, they shouldn't have given you those credit cards to begin with. It's entrapment. I mean, how many times have you been home watching TV when you see “You Need Credit? Been Turned Down? Call Now for This Special Offer!”? Then they send you bills, and you don't have that kind of money! It used to be that you could throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Temporary insanity. Nine times out of 10, you'd beat it. I went bankrupt 17 years ago and enjoyed every minute of it. Due to the new laws, that's no longer allowed.
Pride? I am proud of every major sports team in this town. And soccer.
There's other stuff in this magazine, too. Something about the wealthiest people in Boston. Now, rich people don't suck. Not all of them. And to the wealthiest people in Boston, I say, Good for you! Spend it now, baby! Spend it now like a drunken sailor, just in case there's a mistake and they come to take it back! And remember that I'm always available to go to the Bahamas for a birthday party, or a golf match in Scotland.
There's also some restaurant listings in the back, next to the numbers for the live phone chats. Via Matta. Blue Ginger. We are blessed to have them. And you know the No Name Restaurant in South Boston? It's got a bowl of chowder that'll knock your socks off.
Source URL: http://www.bostonmagazine.com/2006/05/a-letter-from-lenny/