City Journal: Keller Countdown

By Jon Keller | Boston Magazine |

5. Holiday Whine
Annual First Night beg-a-thon for fireworks funding is cut short when Governor Mitt Romney volunteers to foot the bill. But consternation is sparked by word of a catch: Fireworks must be set off in New Hampshire, site of first presidential primary.

4. X Marks the Spot
After years of abbreviated Xmas greetings, efforts to boycott merchants who refuse to use “Merry Christmas” fizzle when polls reveal shoppers believe the December holiday marks the birth of Baby X.

3. Sixties Flashback
On his 63rd birthday (12/11), Vietnam-era icon Senator John Kerry proposes new slogan for antiwar movement: Never trust anyone over 64.

2. Feeding Frenzy
During courtesy-call tour of the State House, governor-elect Deval Patrick stops abruptly to admire a painting. Thirty-six job-seeking legislators are rushed to Mass General for treatment of badly broken noses.

1. Safe Passage
Outgoing Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey has one too many glasses of chardonnay at governor’s annual holiday party, and curses Romney out when he refuses to escort her through the scary parking garage to her car.