Blow It, Pats!

When the Patriots open their season against the Kansas City Chiefs on 9/7, Tom Brady should try tossing lefty. Randy Moss, who once famously said he only played when he wanted to, should not want to. Also, I’d love it if the linemen brought out red capes and made like matadors. Because one way or another, the Pats have to lose the game.

Here’s why: The stress of perfection is too much. Every game last season became a slog, sucking the joy out of football. Wins were a relief; failure was dreaded. (And the team did seem a bit tense against the Giants, no?) This time, we need to ease the burden—not to mention keep those nauseating ’72 Dolphins off TV. So here’s to another 18-1 season, but this time in reverse. Bring it, Kansas City. Just this once, we’ll be rooting for you.