The Reckoning

Just five months ago, Cleveland teammates LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal were singing each other’s praises; now they’re preparing to face each other in the Celtics’ October 26 season opener against the Miami Heat. Here’s how they compare.

NAME MEANS
Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal: Little Warrior
LeBron Raymone James: The Bron

ALSO ANSWERS TO
Shaq: Big Diesel, Big Aristotle, Big Cactus, Big Shaqtus, Wilt Chamberneezy, etc.
LeBron: King James

[sidebar]LIKES
Shaq: Superman, Icy Hot, asking Kobe how his backside tastes
LeBron: LeBron-brand sneakers, LeBron-brand bubble gum, LeBron

DISLIKES
Shaq: Kobe, small couches, being ignored
LeBron: Cleveland, propriety

FAVORITE WAY TO UNWIND
Shaq: Singing and dancing with Justin Bieber
LeBron: Vegas outings with go-go dancers/ crushing the dreams of Clevelanders

EDUCATIONAL GOAL
Shaq: Ph.D. in criminal justice
LeBron: Proper use of third-person pronouns

FORUM FOR SIGNING ANNOUNCEMENT
Shaq: Twitter
LeBron: Hourlong ESPN train wreck that still makes us uncomfortable

WHO’S ROOTING AGAINST HIM THIS SEASON
Shaq: Everyone but Bostonians
LeBron: Everyone

Source URL: http://www.bostonmagazine.com/2010/10/the-reckoning/