The Big Digs

By Jason Schwartz | Boston Magazine |

WHAT A YEAR! We began with a Senate election, ended with a governor’s lawsuit-fest, and in between loved that dirty water (or not). Shaq became a Shamrock, Steven Tyler became a judge, and Ben Affleck made about 634 movies set in Boston. So in the vein of The Social Network — the one flick Affleck didn’t do — let’s just say we’re not here to make friends. Take a fond look back with us through the 50 stupidest, funniest, and most awesomely aquapocalyptic events of 2010.

[sidebar]1. In fairness, he only stayed for the short program. A Stoughton cop is forced to resign after sneaking off while on duty to a strip club to catch a special appearance by the 3-foot-9-inch porn star “Bridget the Midget.”

2. He no more split the uprights than he did an ion. Speaking at the dedication of the new Bobby Orr statue outside the Garden, Mayor Menino says, “In Boston, we have an amazing set of remarkable athletes whose actions have become ionic [sic] in sports. Havlicek stole the ball, Fisk waving the ball fair, Flutie launching the Hail Mary pass, Varitek splitting the uprights.”

3. Maybe this explains why he keeps asking us to run those naked pictures of him. In an apparent effort to draft on Scott Brown’s success, Mitt Romney takes to campaigning in New Hampshirein a Chevy Silverado pickup truck.

4. Another column, another missed opportunity to prove they’re not bottom-feeding scum. Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa, the Herald’s gossip columnists, write about President Barack Obama hitting the Vineyard Golf Club instead of church: “Another Sunday, another missed opportunity for President Obama to prove to America he’s not a Muslim.”

5. For the high-quality stuff, he uses a leg of prosciutto. A Holyoke man is busted by police, who say he attempted to hide a kilo of cocaine inside a hollowed-out bologna.

6. We can’t believe he didn’t bring this up in his victory speech, too. The New York Post reports that Barney Frank raised a ruckus when ticket clerks for a Fire Island ferry refused to give him the $1 senior discount because he didn’t have proper senior identification.

7. It may be winter, but the five-day forecast is HOT, HOT, HOT.
Relaying snowfall amounts during a January broadcast, Channel 7 meteorologist Pete Bouchard informs viewers, “The biggest amount that I could find — almost as big as me — [is] about nine inches.”

8. As predictable as Disney on Ice, but somehow with worse skaters. The Bruins pull a reverse Red Sox, blowing a 3–0 Eastern Conference semifinal series lead to the Philadelphia Flyers.

9. Arthur Sulzberger should shove that money so far up there that he needs a Spotlight Team to find it. In February, the New York Times Company reports a nearly $20 million profit on the year — the same amount it won in concessions from Boston Globe union employees after threatening to shut down the paper the previous spring.

10. If a tree falls in the woods… A man reportedly exposes himself at Watertown’s Perkins School for the Blind.