The Big Digs
41. He apologizes about as well as he plays left field. Manny Ramirez tells the Red Sox he’s sorry for the way he left.
42. She could really use a good auditor. A Globe review of state auditor candidate Suzanne Bump’s tax returns reveals that she receives questionable tax breaks by claiming primary residency in two different towns.
43. Further proof that no one in the past 10 years has actually read a mortgage agreement. Bank of America halts foreclosures nation-wide after an employee admits, in a court case involving a Massachusetts homeowner, that she regularly signed up to 8,000 foreclosure documents per month without reading them.
44. A nice, long drive. A Brookline man ispulled over and charged with driving a golf cart down Beacon Street in the Back Bay; cops say he had stolen it at City Hall, more than a mile away.
45. Like Superman, Tim Cahill works alone — and is not governor of Massachusetts. Tim Cahill’s reaction to being deserted by his running mate, Paul Loscocco: “As for not having a lieutenant governor, I don’t plan to die, and we can save money on that useless job.”
46. Patronizing John Kerry makes the mistake of saying something true. The senator is slammed by the Herald for saying, “We have an electorate that doesn’t always pay that much attention to what’s going on, so people are influenced by a simple slogan rather than the facts or the truth or what’s happening.”
47. Take that, pesky customers! Louis Boston, long suspected of being annoyed by people walking into its Newbury Street store, moves to the retail Siberia that is the waterfront.
48. Transparency is great! We read that on some blog. Paul Levy, president and CEO of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, keeps a blog detailing his hospital’s operations — but is mostly mum about that alleged relationship (or something) he had with that woman about whom nothing can be discussed.
49. Most people stop being rewarded for peeing by age three. After four years of contractual wrangling, the firefighters union and City Hall agree on a new contract, effectively giving the firefighters a raise for agreeing to participate in random drug tests.
50. Cut it out! Your husband is many things, but one of them is not a 16-year-old Canadian boy. Tom Brady explains his awful, Bieber-style haircut by saying that Gisele won’t let him cut it.
Your former quarterback is many things, and apparently one of them is a 16-year-old Canadian girl. CBS reports that shortly before he was traded, Randy Moss got into an argument with Brady in which he told the QB to cut his hair and that he looks like a girl.
No, we’re serious, Tom. Bieber called you out. Cut your hair already.