Yeah, I’m a woman who pumps iron. What are you looking at?

Over the summer, I began to feel more comfortable lifting among the men. All those hours in the weight room were starting to pay off—I continued to lose weight, and I was starting to get some muscle definition. So out went the short-sleeved workout gear in favor of my new sleeveless collection. My husband used this as an opportunity to taunt. “New tank top?” he’d say as I left the house for the gym. “Are the straps shrinking?” I tried to ignore his comments, but he was hitting a sore spot. Truth be told, I was growing fond of the muscles, but I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about them. I was unable to escape the feeling that this just wasn’t how women were supposed to look. I kept thinking of all those female muscle-heads, with their orange skin and bulging veins.

And I understood that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. Body image is the real reason women aren’t lifting weights. We aren’t supposed  to be strong. Just look at Michelle Obama and her pumped-up biceps. The first lady’s sleeveless dresses have sparked conversation everywhere from ABC News to the opinion section of the New York Times. “She’s made her point,” columnist David Brooks quipped. “Now she should put away Thunder and Lightning.” If the incredibly fit and beautiful Michelle Obama is ridiculed, what can the rest of us expect?

“Looking fit or slender is the primary goal for women,” says Charlotte Markey, an associate professor of psychology at Rutgers–Camden. Messages about the perfect female body bombard us from every angle. “People look at celebrities who have personal trainers, and they want to look like them,” says Lou Schuler, an author and strength-conditioning coach. “That’s their ideal body type.”

The logical extension of that beauty myth, of course, is the belief that muscles don’t look good on a woman, and, taking it further, that if you use heavy weights you’re going to grow huge ones. We see pictures of female bodybuilders with veins popping out of their Hulk-like shoulders, and we fear looking like them. I certainly did. “In terms of weight training and women being muscle-bound, our society is very conservative,” Wright, my trainer, says. “Women believe that anything above 10 pounds, number one, they don’t believe that they can lift it. And number two, they think they’re going to cause an overabundance of muscle. That it’s going to either put their husbands and boyfriends to shame or make them feel manly somehow.”

It took me a while to become comfortable at the gym, but as I started to look and feel better—and as the pounds fell off—my confidence began to soar. If people wanted to look, let ’em. The muscles in my shoulders and back ripple now and I’m working on the six-pack. Maybe I enjoy working out in those tank tops more than I should, but it’s not like I’m some oiled-female-Schwarzenegger psycho. Far from it. Still, I’m jacked enough that the other day, my seven-year-old son informed my husband that Mommy is stronger than he is.


I still lift heavy three times a week, and the plates are getting bigger. Big enough to attract even more attention than before. When I started, I didn’t put any weights at all on the leg-press machine. Now, it’s 355 pounds. I can bench-press 115, squat 185, do six unassisted pull-ups, and do tricep dips between two benches with a 45-pound plate on my lap. But I’m still one of the only women working out in the weight room.

What’s it going to take for other women to join Wright and me, to drop those pink Barbie bells and pick up some weights that will actually help them? It may just take time. “No one wants to be that solo pioneer, the one who gets stared at,” Schuler says. “Maybe another generation needs to come up with all of the women lifting the black plates and that will change everyone’s attitude.” He compares it to the hordes of girls who, in direct contrast to 40 years ago, are now being encouraged to play sports like soccer and hockey.

And a few promising signs point to shifting attitudes about women and weightlifting. A muscular Hope Solo combined buff with beautiful on Dancing with the Stars in 2011. Women are also increasingly seeking out information about weightlifting. After Schuler published The New Rules of Lifting: Six Basic Moves for Maximum Muscle, in 2005, he was overwhelmed with letters from women asking whether they could also use the workouts, which seemed to have been designed for men. The answer was an emphatic yes, but Schuler, sensing an emerging market, published a follow-up book, The New Rules of Lifting for Women. It’s gone on to become his most popular book, selling more than 100,000 copies. Clearly, there is a new demand for instruction, which bodes well for lifting—and women.


In late November, I jogged up the stairs to the second floor of the gym, tightening the Velcro on my black weightlifting gloves. I watched a guy in his mid-forties with a bit of a gut and the requisite Under Armour attire grunt out some squats. After he finished, I headed over. He clanged the barbell onto the holding rack with one final “oomph.”

“You done?” I asked.

“Just finished.” He looked at me, taking in my 5-foot-6 frame, Tufts baseball hat, and tight black workout capris. “Here, let me take those plates off for you.”

“I’m good, thanks,” I said, and then proceeded to toss two more 25-pound plates on the bar. Looking stunned, he walked over to the water fountain.

As I finished my first set, I noticed more people staring at me. It was quite a cross section: skinny soccer moms with rolled-up mats strolling to the back room for yoga class, thick-necked dudes sitting on padded weight benches who’d just dropped their 40-pound dumbbells, and a pencil-thin male runner who’d come upstairs to stretch. All eyes on me. I don’t think I was grunting or making any squat-induced bodily sounds, but then again, my iPod was blasting Nelly’s “Here Comes the Boom.”

Part of me wanted to rerack my barbell and return those looks one by one. But I had kids and a husband waiting for me at home, and I had three more sets of squats to do, so I took a swig from my water bottle and got back to it.


  • http://CuztomCraftedSngs.com Anna Huckabee Tull

    I LOVE this article and it is the first thing I have ever read about women and weights that has made me think…..maybe I should try this! Maybe my body would THANK ME if I did!! :) Lisa Liberty Becker is an inspiration and maybe just the kind of pioneer we need – strong AND articulate!

    • http://www.bodhisattvaonritalin.wordpress.com Bodhi

      You definitely should! Check out stumptuous.com – she’s wonderful and an excellent reference for women interested in weight training. I was so happy to have her site recommended to me. I’m following one of her programs now. Good Luck!

  • http://www.thoreau.com Kim M.

    Congratulations, Lisa!! We are so proud of your progress and positive attitude! Already several members have commented that they are motivated to add more strength training to their workouts because of your article. Lead the way strong and healthy!
    – The Thoreau Club, Concord, MA

  • Lynda Wright

    Excellent article Lisa. Your year long journey will be an inspiration to many. Watching you drop 65lbs. and gain muscle mass over the last year was truly remarkable. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for choosing me to take the journey with you : )

  • brenda

    Great article, very well-written. I have to say, though, that I’ve never experienced what you describe at the Boston Sports Clubs or Equinox. I think if I went to a gym where people acted like that, I’d find a new gym.

  • California

    Your gym sounds like a throwback to the stone ages with respect to women in the weight room. Good for you for sticking it out; I would have found a different gym.

  • http://www.bodhisattvaonritalin.wordpress.com Bodhi

    I followed the link from Stumptuous’s FB update – it is so timely. I’m in the beginning my phase of the first serious weight training I’ve done since I was a college athlete.
    I love how accomplished and mighty I feel. It’s great for my self esteem. Happily, my gym lives up to it’s “judgment free” reputation so far.
    Good luck on the rest of your journey – you’re great inspiration!

  • Melissa Howell

    Great article. As a fellow pioneer at my local gym, I am always happy to see women with a healthy attitude toward lifting. I head to my gym early in the mornings and I am always the only woman using the squat racks and heavier dumbbells. I get in after the other ladies that are already on the treadmill when I arrive, but leave before they do. I’m glad I’m no longer chained to the dreadmill machine (and that’s not a typo).

    I lifted years ago for college and recently got back into strength training this last year, going through my own weight-loss/body transformation journey. I’m so glad I have found my way back to the weights and nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I’m lifting a heavy deadlift and they muscle bound men raise their eyebrows in amazement :)

  • teri

    I read this with interest and actually had to double check the date on the article. It sounds like it could have been written back say a couple of decades ago. I don’t know what gym this woman is working out in but it sounds like it is stuck in a time warp. I have been working out with weights steadily since 1976. Yes back then it was an anomaly but in this day and age I know many many many women who lift for fitness. I have been a member of Bally’s, Gold’s Gym, 24 Hour Fitness, YMCA, and now Lifetime Fitness… I see women lifting weights (and yes many are lifting heavy weights) every time I am in the gym. I do not see anyone paying much attention much less staring. I have been in gyms where there are some of the serious women body builders complete with heavy veining, pumped to the max muscle mass, but most of the time I just see women who are serious about fitness and knowledgeable about the benefits of lifting! No one pays much attention and yes some are stronger and more fit than some of the guys! It sounds like this woman is imagining a lot of the “staring” and she just needs to come to some inner peace about what she is doing…

  • Robert Becker

    Fantastic read, for men and women! I come home from the gym much more sore and tired since first reading this. Still have a way to go before I can manage those plates. You look fantastic – I love you very much.

  • SD

    I workout at this club and I think Lisa has given an inaccurate description of the weight-lifting habits of the women who workout there. Sure, there a lot of women who just do cardio machines, yoga, water aerobics, spinning, swimming and tennis. But, on more days than not there are more women on the second floor lifting weights than men. And, we are a knowledgeable supportive bunch. We don’t stare each other down or compete to be the strongest. We workout alone or in groups with a trainer. We may not ever lift nearly as much weight as Lisa, but we are working hard, have perfect form, and have strong healthy bodies. I will never be jacked given my natural body type, nor do I care if I am. I am happy for Lisa that she is enjoying working out after many years of not doing it. I am glad she is confident with her strength and physique. But, it is not okay to over-generalize the fitness habits of the population at the Thoreau Club. I have worked out at this club for 8 years.

    • MN

      Wow! Talk about misinterpreting an article. Lisa’s article has noted evidence to support women lifting heavier weights. Sure, you can be strong lifting 10lb dumbbells, but imagine the benefits you could reap by lifting heavier. The reason most women can’t do what Lisa does is because their minds have already failed them. They believe they can’t before trying. Be realistic about what you see upstairs SD.

      • marie p

        Don’t think that SD misinterpreted this article at all. If it was Lisa’s intention to encourage women to lift, she shouldn’t look down her nose at women who lift lighter (even pink Barbie) weights. That’s a start (and it was the start for her as well). Also shouldn’t describe the weight room as a scary and inhospitable place, because it isn’t (or if it is, you should go elsewhere). I find the tone of the article somewhat self-aggrandizing and intolerant of those who do not lift the same weight that she does.

  • Mary

    I have lifted in various Boston-area gyms since 1998 and I have never felt uncomfortable. I think it has a lot to do with what expectations you bring and how you’re seeing things. It’s understandable if you are new to gyms, and I end up advising many friends-male and female-that being judged at the gym is a fear they’ll get over quickly.
    I now train at Total Performance Sports in Everett, a real strength gym with the biggest guys you can imagine, and it’s the best gym to be a woman in of all. Everyone is supported as long as you train hard and are willing to learn- nobody cares. A gym is there to make you better and help you reach your goals and if you’re focused on that, you don’t have time or energy to worry about what other people think.

  • lynnie

    I work out at this club, and I think that the author is indulging in some stereotypes. It may be a function of the time I go, but the weight area almost always has more women then men, and the men there do not stare or act resentful. I’ve run across the occasional grunting man, but the loudest grunter was a female. References to “skinny soccer moms with rolled-up mats” and “thick-necked dudes” come across as pretty condescending and rather lazy stereotyping. And perhaps that poor man who wanted to help with the weights was just trying to be helpful, and wasn’t at all “stunned” as he walked away (or perhaps was stunned by her rudeness).

    I think that Lisa came into the gym with preconceived notions that she would be a trailblazer, and that has colored her perceptions of what was going on around her. The fact is that there are plenty of women who lift weights (even at Thoreau) and who don’t run into the attitude that Lisa claims she has. Women lifting weights is not new. Lisa is not a trailblazer. Perhaps she would enjoy her time more at the gym if she dropped that huge chip from her shoulder.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chibangbodies Chi Bang

      As I do agree with you that there are plenty of women who already hit the weights, one has to agree with the overall consensus globally, that women should shy away from lifting too heavy and from the weight room. I work in fitness and the number one concern when I sit down with women is, “I don’t want to become too big.” And I always reply, “Think about it this way, there are plenty of men in the gym trying as hard as they can to get big. Women have only a fraction of the amount of hormone responsible for muscle growth than men. No matter how much weight you lift, it is fair to assume that you won’t become overly muscular without synthetic help.” But overall, the stigma still remains in society and I’m not sure if it is caused by the media and magazines or by the views of men and the way women should look, but I think the author has a point.

  • Vic Verbal

    Love this piece; inspirational and funny. Will seek out more of her writing in these pages!

  • Squashhead

    I’m 49 and just started weight training. I love it and feel great (when I keep to it consistently). It never occurred to me to think about it in gender-related terms. The benefits of weight training for all people, especially women, have been in the news so much lately that, to me, it seems only natural to see women lifting weights. I love my trainer and am so grateful I found her.

  • fenway3

    I also work out at Thoreau and relate to what Lisa is saying about the reaction of other members (female and male) to women who lift heavier weights than what is considered “appropriate” by the general population. The issue isn’t starting out with the “pink Barbie weights”; it’s that if you are still using those weights 6 months or 6 years into your workouts, you are not challenging your muscles to adapt. One needs to lift heavy enough to elicit physiological adaptation; that’s the point Lisa is making. For some women, that challenge comes from lifting 10 or 15 lb; for others, it takes 30, 40, or 50 lb. It’s just that you rarely see women picking up a dumbbell heavier than 25 lb., regardless of her age, fitness level, experience training, or goals. It’s not because the women CAN’T lift that much; it’s that they THINK they can’t, or shouldn’t. Lisa should be viewed as a role model for women who are looking to get stronger and/or leaner, rather than criticized for setting goals and doing whatever it takes to reach them. Men and women: If you are happy with your fitness level and physique and want to maintain these, then continue with your current program. But, If you are doing the same routine, lifting the same weights you have been lifting for years AND you are not getting the results you want, perhaps you should consider changing something, and perhaps that “something” is increasing the weight.

  • Amy

    I had to read this article twice to find the author’s messages about weight lifting, The first time I was distracted by the false characterization of the members and the environment at the Thoreau Club. I am a long time member at Thoreau and have lifted weights for twenty-five years. Thoreau is a gym where women more often outnumber men in the weight room (Monday morning 12 women to 10 men), over half the trainers are women and there is an almost daily class called women on weights. I find it a supportive and friendly environment and I hope Lisa does too. This is not a weight lifters’ gym, it is a family environment and I found the grunting men and soccer mom stereotypes simplistic. In defense of the man who offered to remove the weights, it is weight lifting code and common courtesy to leave bars unloaded. I’m glad that Lisa has found the transformative power of lifting weights. It is something I hope all women can discover. I just wish that she did not embellish the Thoreau club environment to do so.

  • Trackie78

    Thanks god regular women are starting to lift heavy weights and do Olympic lifting. I’ve spent the last 15 years as a competitive track and field athlete, and have gotten accustomed to the stares in the weight room. When you’re a female squatting over 350lbs, benching and cleaning over 200lbs, dead lifting more than most of the men, and doing uncommon lifts like the snatch, you get used to people treating you like a freak. So many times women would say to me ‘I wish I had a body like yours…what kind of workout do you do?’ Soon as I mentioned weight training and power lifting, they always freaked, thinking that they would get huge and too muscular. Crossfit is very much like track and field training….circuits, intervals and functional lifting. Most of our training happens outside of our specialty (events), and focus on weight training, plyometrics, medball, powerlifting, kettlebell, etc etc etc. news flash to everyone: those chicks you see at the Olympics don’t look that way just because they do cardio…they lift weights! And lots of them! For too long women have been told that they should lift light weights and do massive amounts of cardio. They’ve been told that men are stronger,many men have been told that they are stronger and mistakeningly think that all men are stronger than all women. This is not true. Yes,the strongest man will be stronger than the strongest woman, but there is actually an overlap in the middle where strong women are stronger than many men.

    Gender Strength Myth:

    /——women———–/.(fabled gender divide). /————-Men———/

    The TRUTH
    (Ignore the periods in front of the ‘men’. The program won’t let me space it how I wanted. Just pretend those periods don’t exist)

    There are tons of us competitive athletes who have been stared at, questioned, feared, and approached by meatheads who don’t think that we can handle the weight. We have learned to laugh about it, and enjoy the reactions from chauvinistic idiots who desperately try to out lift us. Fact: Strong women scare (most) men.

    Ladies, get off the damned stair climber, grab some heavy weights and get lifting. I promise you won’t get huge and look steroidal. You will look strong, beautiful, capable, sexy, and healthy. Lifting teeny tiny weights will do nothing for you except waste your time. Challenge yourself. You are capable of more than you think.

  • Mary Faith Ryan

    Thank you Mrs. Becker! I get annoyed with women who don’t like it when they start to show muscle definition. I mean COME ON. Women physiologically cannot bulk up like men. We don’t possess the endocrine systems to do so. The only way women can “hulk up” is with pharmaceutical help (anabolic steroids). In the meantime, lifting decreases chances of osteoporosis by upping your bone density! If anything, women need to lift to keep their bodies durable and limber past menopause. And of course the increased muscle mass revs your metabolism like you said. Thank you for lifting with no apologies, even if you have to resist lifting your middle finger at the oglers ;)

  • Acton girl

    Have read the article a bit of time ago and I wanted to kindly respond. I reward you on your fitness accomplishments. Way to go! Everyone has their own fitness journey It is a process and that even you have to become comfortable doing. I am a mother too, a teacher, trainer and exercise junkie. Feeling strong is wonderful, healthy and empowering. I am a female at the club…for over 10 years. I love to weight train and sculpt my body too. I don’t pay attention to others while I train because I am trying to focus to prevent injury and tap into the muscle groups. I say, let’s motivate other’s by weight training. I teach and practice yoga. Yoga is a wonderful addition to weight training and I suggest adding it in to find balance. trust me, it will make you stronger
    Yoga is not easy in any way and it might improve your focus while you weight train and not be distracted by others. Obviously, if you practiced yoga, you might see the real benefits and not make it sound lame.. Let other’s celebrate your training success and not take away from it. Think positive.

  • Jame

    I came across this article, and I think some people missed of the key points. As mentioned, we don’t (as a society) value visible muscle on women. So for some women, who don’t want to lift weights, do not do it, because in their minds too big, too bulky actually mean visible muscles. It also has to do a lot with proportions as well. For every person who thinks Kim Kardashian has a great figure, there is someone else who thinks her butt is “too big” and “out of proportion.”

    Trainers and everyone else do mention this idea that women cannot build muscle like men do. But unfortunately, it doesn’t take much muscle or size to have problems finding jeans to fit your muscular thighs or jackets to fit your bigger arms. And that is the real problem.

    Until we can both appreciate visible musculature on women, and different proportions for “athletic women” in their shoulders, arms, butts and thighs, loads of women are going to be afraid of lifting, because the changes, feel pretty overwhelming or undesired.

  • Stacey

    Just wondering, how long do you lift? Like do you do an hr, or 30 mins? Or even longer? I just barely started and I haven’t even been able to work my way up to my 15 pound dumbbells, I can, but my form is really awful. But I’m just trying to find out, how long do my lifting sessions need to be? I do my dumbbells along with my cardio routine, but I’m starting to think I need to replace my 45 min workouts on 3 days a week with just lifting. Does that sound like a good idea? I just need some advice and I really can’t go to a gym, I’m very embarrassed to workout in front of other people, not to mention I’m too busy to go to a gym, I HAVE to do my workout at home. We don’t live too close to a gym and it takes up too much time to drive, workout etc… thanks for any advice with how long I should lift, how many days a week I should lift, and if I should do some days with only 45 mins of lifting, and some days with only cardio.

    • Lisa Liberty Becker

      Hi Stacey, thanks for writing in and sorry to take so long to reply. I’m not a trainer or a fitness expert, but I did learn a lot from my amazing trainer (who I could put you in touch with if you’d like). In answer to your questions about lifting, first, I think it’s great that you’re lifting at all since many women don’t for various reasons. I wouldn’t worry that you don’t feel like you can lift that much weight; everybody starts off that way. My process has always been to do enough weight that it’s hard but I can still lift it for at least 8 reps at a time. Then when it starts to feel a bit easy, up the weight a little bit. As far as how long the lifting sessions should be and how many days and how to intersperse with cardio, I have varied all of that through the past few years when I’ve been busier at work and have had a few injuries etc. My recommendation on lifting would be to have 3 days a week be lifting days. On those days I do an 8-10 minute cardio warmup (on a stationary bike, for example) to get my muscles warm. Then it’s lifting. And you should be able to do a good lifting session in 45 min. if you alternate exercises between muscle groups and don’t waste time just sitting around “waiting” for your next same set of whatever. On Friday, I threw a gym bag into my car before work and squeezed in a quick workout before my kids got home. I did an 8-minute bike warmup followed by a fairly killer weights session, and the whole thing took me 55 min. I hope that’s helpful at least a little.