Fashion Masochist: Safari Chic

For the past several seasons, the safari look has been sneaking onto the runways one khaki jacket at a time. This summer, it's a full-on jungle out there. Ralph Lauren, Donna Karan, and Gucci have all put out collections that seem straight from the closet of a very chic Crocodile Dundee, with cargo-pocketed shorts-suits and jumpers, tribal jewelry, animal-print accents, and wide-brimmed hats.

Though the theme is in some ways rustic, there's also an Out of Africa air of sophistication to it. As such, I decide that wearing my brand-new short-sleeve safari jacket for a guest appearance on NECN will give me that extra dose of professionalism. Assuming it's a waist-up camera angle, I don't bother to adjust my matching supershort khaki skirt as I sit atop the high stool and banter with the anchor. To my horror, when I watch the segment that afternoon, all I see is Jack Hanna's slutty daughter staring back at me. No spider monkey or lion cub in sight—only leg.

Mortified, I trade the short skirt for a long, tasteful A-line version, but now just look like a dumpy zookeeper—and not in that naughty-sexy Rachel Weisz–in–The Mummy sort of way. The remedy is soon apparent: Accessorize! A straw hat, a chunky native-looking necklace, and a snow leopard–print tank top are quickly added to the mix. I do, however, skip the mosquito net.

"What a...cool necklace?" one friend ventures, in a tone that's a tad too charitable. "Ooh...great, uh, jacket," notes another. They're both struck by the look and, unable to resist comment, politely zero in on one piece instead of openly suggesting I lose the rest. Suddenly, it all becomes clear. I am not wearing the safari; the safari is wearing me. 

Taking the hint but still desperate to channel something of Tarzan's Jane—or even Hugh Jackman in Australia (so pretty!)—I cut back to just two pieces at a time: hat-jacket, tank top–necklace, skirt-hat. When even those combinations feel theatrical, I resign myself to wearing each item as a solo safari accent. As lions and tigers the world over breathe a purr of relief.