Hollywood Invasion

9a. Does any of this mean we finally might see some truly authentic Boston movies get made? How our city gets stereotyped on the big screen, and why there’s hope that might change.

By Joe Keohane

As it gets easier to make films about Boston, in Boston, with Bostonians, the notion of what constitutes a “Boston movie” may consequently be up for grabs. “The more rooted I am here,” says Dave McLaughlin, the homegrown director of On Broadway, “the more I feel responsible to represent my community in a way that’s truthful, and not just exploit shallow perceptions of what Boston is.” To do that, though, cineastes would have to steer clear of these five cliches, which seem to fill every rendering of our fair city.

1. The Accent

Ranging from good (see Robert Mitchum in The Friends of Eddie Coyle) to catastrophic (Tim Robbins doing his Sling Blade-Comes-to-Southie routine in Mystic River), the accent is always on display in a Boston film. Why? Directors want gritty realism, moviegoers find it compelling, and Bostonians need something to bitch about for nine months after the film premieres.

2. The Ball-Busting

This usually involves three or more male friends inside a worn-out Irish bar or a worn-out used car. Though occasionally hostile, the discord is mainly employed to show that while friends would take a bullet for one another, self-aggrandizement and lame jokes will not be tolerated under any circumstances. Models of the form can be found in the Denis Leary vehicle Monument Ave., and in every scene featuring Marky Mark in The Departed.

3. The Paleness

While Boston is nearly a majority minority city now, you wouldn’t know it from Boston movies, every one of which is about as diverse as a town meeting in Weston. The lack of pigmentation helps shore up the themes of xenophobia, racism, and homophobia that marble many of the more neighborhood-oriented offerings, such as The Departed, Boondock Saints, and Monument Ave., and make the fact that Laurence Fishburne’s character in Mystic River was named Whitey Powers that much more inappropriate.

4. The Funerals

Being that many of the characters in Boston movies are of Irish descent and often criminals, there must also be death, and the attendant wake must occur
in a room lined either with beers (On Broadway) or bad wallpaper (Mystic River, Southie). The venue may also be a parish hall (Monument Ave.). If a corpse cannot be provided, a dead loved one may conspicuously loom over the proceedings, giving characters something to be haunted by (Next Stop Wonderland).

5. The Crime

Another staple is wholesale mayhem, and usually some kind of Whitey-esque crime boss. See: The Thomas Crown Affair (the 1968 original), Mystic River, The Boston Strangler, Southie, Boondock Saints, The Friends of Eddie Coyle, The Brink’s Job, Good Will Hunting (to an extent), The Departed (and how!), Monument Ave., Blown Away, and so on. The 1982 film The Verdict, in which Paul Newman plays an alcoholic lawyer battling a corrupt and cynical Catholic Church, wins extra points for being ahead of its time.

9b. Boston Classics, Remixed

The past 10 years of relative prosperity and widespread gentrification have diminished our city’s roguish image a bit. So as we cultivate local talent with an eye toward representing the real Boston, how about updates on a few classics?

Good Luck Apartment Hunting Will Hunting returns to Southie, and robs an MIT prof (Lenny Clarke) to scrape together a security deposit on his now astronomically expensive apartment.

The Departed Middle Class In which a low-ranking exec at State Street (Lenny Clarke) moves his family from J.P. to Marlborough and gets slightly bored. “The schools are better” is the lonely refrain that echoes across his overlarge lawn.

The Cardinal Law Affair No one’s really tackled the Catholic Church abuse scandal yet. Here’s the chance. Starring a fat Alan Rickman as Cardinal Law, who duels with a hardboiled, though well-dressed, trial lawyer (Lenny Clarke).

Return of the Boston Strangler A rapacious developer (Ben Affleck) tries to build a 35-story glass condo tower next to the working-class house of a heavily accented, ball-busting ex-con who’s been to his share of funerals (Lenny Clarke). Hilarity ensues. The building still goes up, though.