Deciphering the Wahlberg Family

Wahlburgers is breaking mainstream media, so it’s important to get your Wahlbergs straight. Here’s a breakdown.

wahlberg family

A&E

As Wahlburgers continues to top charts as one of A&E’s most popular shows, some viewers might have some trouble keeping track of who’s who. But it’s understandable. Kind of like Dorchester-meets-the-Kardashians, Wahlburgers has a complex family tree mixed in with a bunch of additional personalities—and they’re all under the reign of one kooky mother.

So for those of you non-Blockheads who don’t know your Donnies from your Pauls, or your Nachos from your Dramas, here’s a Wahlburgers clan primer:

Alma: The Name

ALMA

Alma, who lends her name to Paul’s restaurant Alma Nove, is often the voice of reason. But actually, she is the reason to watch the show. While Mark, Donnie, and Paul have a lot to say about each other, Alma actually has the real dirt. And she’s the epitome of your classic Bostonian grandma, the kind with the best red sauce recipe and who probably used to smoke a pack a day. If you really need to choose a Wahlberg to love on this show, pick Alma.

Paul: The Brains

paul 2

Paul is the mind behind the Wahlburgers restaurant operation. He’s the most rational, which doesn’t always work in his favor. His opinions are often overshadowed by Mark and Donnie’s, but at the end of the day, Paul gets the final shot by simply saying that he knows what the hell he’s doing.

Mark: The Backbone

mark

If Paul is the one with the logic, Mark is the one driving the family to get where they need to be. He’s got a lot of ideas on his plate, and likes to pursue every single one of them all at once. Everything is a competition to him…because he’s Mark Wahlberg.

Donnie: The Voice

DONNIE

While Paul and Mark are the two go-getters, Donnie is very much the guy who sits in the backseat casting remarks to the guys up front. He’s the peanut gallery. His opinions on the business are not often taken seriously, but boy, can he promote. The only instances when his advice is noted are when Mark and Paul are butting heads.


PLUS: More from the Wahlburgers archive.


Bob: The Unknown Actor Brother

BOB

The seventh kid of nine, Bob makes frequent appearances on the show in season 3. He’s sassy and sometimes funny, but gives off a don’t-miss-with-me vibe. Don’t forget, though, that you know him from his small roles in The Departed, and most recently, The Judge.

Jim: The Runner Brother

jim

The first thing you’ll notice about Jim is his thick Boston accent. He’s a proud Dorchester native, and also the executive director of the Mark Wahlberg Youth Foundation. He ran the 2014 Boston Marathon, and A&E documented the whole family affair in a special summer episode of Wahlburgers.

Arthur: The…Other Brother

arthur

We don’t know much about Arthur aside from he irregular appearances on the show. He puts around his family’s homes, helping Paul out occasionally. He lives in Worcester, Mass.

Brandon: The Kid

brandon

In case you didn’t know, Brandon is an absolute hoot. The nephew of Paul, Donnie, Mark and the rest, Brandon is a Dorchester lad that likes sports, is into girls, and, as a complete ham, definitely takes after his uncles.

Nacho: The Stooge

nacho

It’s hard not to sympathize with Henry “Nacho” Laun. He’s part of Mark’s friend group, and is clearly the one that gets laughed at as the stereotypical small, chubby, birdbrained guy. He’s most known for his uncanny ability to eat obscure, inedible things, which is both amusing and concerning.

Drama: The Rascal

drama

Johnny “Drama” Alves is a “cuzin” of Mark, and has been an aspiring actor since their Funky Bunch days. On the show, he’s Mark’s sidekick to a smaller extent, but is mostly a general prankster, a Nacho provoker, and an acute entertainer.

Kari: The Odd One Out

kari

It’s hard to place Kari in the Wahlberg dynamic. She’s not a long-time childhood friend, nor a blood relative, but serves as Paul’s “assistant”—although nobody is sure what that entails exactly. But Kari serves her purpose as the other consistent female personality aside from Alma. And as Alma is the force, Kari is the supporter.

 

Wahlburgers airs Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. on A&E. Watch full episodes on aetv.com.

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  • Steve Glines

    I thought the title said “Wahlberg family planning” not primer, so I was wondering if they were multiplying. There IS one more than I thought.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glrQXIl_YNs Phaerisee

    Vibrations good like Sunkist

    Many wanna know who done this

    Marky Mark and I’m here to move you

    Rhymes will groove you

    And I’m here to prove to you

  • frederigoxcz305

    my Aunty Sienna recently got a year old Jaguar only from
    working off a home computer… Recommended Reading J­u­m­p­9­9­9­.­ℂ­o­m

  • jhonny ringo

    i wonder will he rap on the show…..wheres the funky bunch

  • CLangley

    Been trying to keep up with the shows each week. They are fun to watch! I love their mom! She’s really great. Last night’s show was very sweet and funny with Donnie taking his brother Paul to do something nice for him on his birthday…very sweet. I hope my 2 sons remain close as they grow older and can love each other, joke and have a good time together like these brothers.

  • BostonBean

    I was wondering if any of the other Wahlburgs wil be on the show?

  • Lin Lan

    Love to see the other brothers and sisters on the show – we never see any of them…hoped they would show them for his birthday..not sure why… :o)

  • Sandra Jack Shaw

    Here’s a Wahlberg “Trans”formed 😉
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LeXy-tS_vlQ

  • Maggie May Bowen

    I really enjoy the show, especially Alma and poor suffering Paul. It’s a great show to watch with my kids.

  • febgirl

    How many Wahlberg siblings are there, altogether? j/w I so love them :-)

    • Guest

      There are 12 total. Donnie Sr. had 3 before he married Alma. Alma also had 3 before she married Donnie Sr. Donnie and Alma had 6 together.