Greetings New Englanders
It has probably not escaped your attention that the rest of the nation is not exactly reveling in the Patriots’ success. In fact, the rest of the nation hates the Genius That Is Bill Belichick and everything he, and the Pats, stand for. With that in mind, we decided to have a little cross-promotional fun with our friends at Philly Mag in anticipation of Sunday night’s beatdown of the Eagles.
Your correspondent is A.J. Daulerio, whom loyal Deadspinners know simply as Balls. Like the rest of the city in which he toils, Daulerio is mean-spirited, bitter and he hates our winning teams. After the jump, a message from Balls, I mean A.J.
Greetings New Englanders:
Congratulations, on all your success. You’ve got two Red Sox championships, a rejuvenated Celtics team and, of course, are in the midst of witnessing NFL greatness in the form of your New England Patriots. That Monday Night game was something else. It was nice of you to piss all over Kevin Everetts’s inspirational evening by running your fourth string running back off-tackle for the patented Bill Belichick EAT ME-score. Very classy. I’m surprised your coach actually didn’t send somebody over to Everett’s house in Houston just to knock him out of his chair and kick him in the throat. You know, just to send “a message” and further the assertion that Bill Belichick’s Patriots are a reputable organization that in no way whatsoever used illegal videotaping to gain a marked advantage over the opponent. Yes, you guys are just that good.
Right now, it’s pretty obvious that Charlie Weis’ coaching acumen was directly proportional to the ability of one of the Patriots’ shadowy spies to infiltrate the opposing team’s sideline. It’s unfortunate that Notre Dame doesn’t use the same crooked playbook for success or he might still be able to have a coaching job one day. He’ll need it; those gastric-bypass legal fees must be adding up. But he can always take credit for quarterback Tom Brady’s success. Yes, Brady obviously gleaned plenty of knowledge working under Weis. First and foremost, the dangers of eating fried foods.
Speaking of Brady, is there any chance that your quarterback could bang any more models? Seriously, he may be the first NFL player to sign a huge endorsement deal with Valtrex. There’s a reason Brady’s passes aren’t intercepted that often — most defensive backs are fearful of contracting gonorrhea But it’s nice to see all that sport-fucking finally resulted in a bastard child! That kid’s going to be very well adjusted. Brady should set aside half of his football earnings right now for the amount of therapy John Edward will require once he hits the age of 8. I heard Bridget Moynahan is already preparing the young tot for the inevitable estrangement from his father by rocking him to sleep with Harry Chapin’s music.
And, honestly, get over yourselves with all of this undefeated talk. Your defense is so old that a good portion of them will be wearing colostomy bags before the end of the season. But knowing Belichick, he’ll probably just place all the old guys on IR so they don’t have to take the salary cap hit by releasing them. He’s one crafty sociopath, indeed.
Regardless, win or lose come Sunday, just know that Philadelphia will still think of you and your town as a bunch of heartless sons of bitches who will soon enough be cold-cocked off your arrogant throne. Honestly, if we think you’re a pack of loud-mouthed jerk-offs, how awful must you truly be? And that day of your reckoning, if not Sunday, will be a glorious one not just for us, but for America.
How do you like them apples, you chowdah-slurping imbeciles?
Thank you, A.J. Your bile-spewing hatred only masks your insecurities. Please check out my nuanced and reasoned response, over at Philly Mag’s blog, The Daily Examiner.
PHOTO from igglesfans.com
November 20th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Can we work up a trade where we send Flannery and some lobster rolls down to Philly in exchange for AJ and bag full of Pat’s?
November 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
They don’t like winners in Philly.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Gee Tom Brady - isn’t it nice to know that this is how people percieve you and even better to know that when your son grows up he’ll be innundated with lovely blogs like this that shows what a down home good guy you were (not!) and how he was concieve from a sport ____??!!??!! What a Dad. So you’re a good football player, but what a sad, sad man.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
You guys basically are mad because you suck. Brady is better than any quarterback to walk the streets of Philadelphia. McNabb is terrible, can he throw a touchdown pass anymore? The Eagles are no longer a playoff contender and your city rightfully deserves that 23.5 point hole. You wont touch it. How old is our defense??? Asante Samuel, best corner besides Champ Bailey in the NFL isn’t close to 30! You’re lucky you only have to face us once.
November 20th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
How about two cheerleaders, McNabb, and a bag full of Pat’s for you camcorder?
November 20th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Jesus, JLS, “I before E EXCEPT after C”. Did you just jump the fence in Laredo or something?
November 21st, 2007 at 10:17 am
Amanda - thanks for reading. Just a sad situation that people hold such high regards for someone who can throw a football but not be a father to a child….
November 21st, 2007 at 10:54 am
Looks like AJ has upset the Massholes. Too funny.
November 21st, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Can’t insult the team so you go after the man, Ok so let’s go there! Just because he is not married doesn’t make Brady a bad father. How many of you making these comments come from a broken home, I mean you are from philly? How many of your fathers are even still around? Grow up and stop picking on a man because you can’t win a game. Oh and by the way I’m sure tom cares what a bunch of welfare recipients say about him banging super models and winning super bowls ohh and being ridiculously rich… and as for the moron who wrote the article im sure your what 300-350lbs sitting with your laptop resting on your belly making these comments pulling in a whooping 30k a year. Good job keyboard warrior keep the insults coming and we will keep laughing at your town with your pathetic eagles and your pathetic base ball team if you can even call them that with the most losses in mlb history and not to mention voted the ugliest city in the nation according to a usa today and cnn poll just last month (Google it if you doubt me)…
Yours truly,
The Boston faithful
November 21st, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Wow. Is “The Boston Faithful” the typical type of fan that lives in Boston? No wonder the rest of the country hates you all. You have nasty fans.
November 21st, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Well Hun, no one likes to loose so I guess that can be expected. However every one else in the world hates America but doesn’t stop us from being the greatest country in the world (But I bet you’re un-American too) I guess the same can be said about New England Sports. Long story short sox already won, the Pats are undefeated and will go down in history as the best football team ever and just for shit’s and giggles the Celtics will do no less then playoffs! Do you want to know the reason why? It’s our fans, the ones you’re talking about. We are faithful and show up win or loose the players know it and talk about it in the off season. Which is way almost every one in every league is willing to take a pay cut to come play here (Moss, Schilling, Garnett, and don’t forget about the World Series MVP Mike Lowell all took pay cuts). Because of the fans, ohh yea that and…..we win…a lot .
And because I realize your probable not that articulate I’ll put in language you can understand
Don’t hate because you can’t emulate
Yours truly,
The Boston faithful
November 21st, 2007 at 4:10 pm
“And because I realize your probable not that articulate I’ll put in language you can understand”
Well, I realize YOU’RE PROBABLY an idiot.
Enjoy it while it (so briefly) lasts, Massclown. Whether you like it or not, this stuff is cyclical and you guys will blow soon enough.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:12 pm
The Boston Faithful calling himself articulate. Ha. But you’re right, no one like to loose. Yaaaa doood.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Does anyone actually get offended when someone insults Tom Brady? Why the fuck should I care? If you want to insult people, get personal. Take Philly fans for example. After the Eagles fail in another desperate attempt at having a successful season for once, you lowlifes will have to spend a few months of winter breathing the foul air and walking the decrepit streets of Philadelphia, looking at your ugly and miserable fellow citizens, then get your hopes up during the summer that the Eagles are improved, until you go through the same disaster next year and the year after that. Is there anything positive that can be said about Philadelphia? I can’t think of anything.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:31 pm
You’re right Boston Faithful: no one likes to “loose.” But anyone who like THEM “loose” knows they can have their pick of the subliterate litter at any Boston area watering hole where your teams’ trampy fans congregate. Just look for the loud, pink-nosed ones in old Cam Neely jerseys.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:43 pm
The truly disgusting part is that while the Patriots are running up the score on every team in the league, all the Boston ‘fans’ can think about is the Sawx. Well, that and how to more quickly eliminate the few remaining minorities in their city. Yeahdoood.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:51 pm
“Is there anything positive that can be said about Philadelphia?”
Um, yeah — we’re not Bostonians.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:53 pm
John from Boston talking about ugly people. That’s rich. Yeahdood.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Actually, I take that back. The most disgusting thing about Boston is that in spite of the sheer quantity of universities there, you can’t find an intelligent or articulate person south of the Charles River. It’s pathetic. Protruding foreheads and mouth-breathing everywhere. Ignorance is a virtue among those cretins. Guy.
November 21st, 2007 at 5:42 pm
‘loose’
lol
November 21st, 2007 at 8:55 pm
# Wow Says:
November 21st, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Wow. Is “The Boston Faithful” the typical type of fan that lives in Boston? No wonder the rest of the country hates you all. You have nasty fans.
This from a fanbase that boos Santa Claus.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:26 am
Paul, $50 says that if Feeley starts, the Pats do not cover.
Do you know what that is, Paul? That’s loser talk … losing by 20 points talk. Bring it.
November 22nd, 2007 at 10:22 am
The only sport Boston fans are loyal to is baseball. Back when the Pats sucked, the stadium was never full, and most “fans” barely cared about the Patriots. “True fans” indeed. Meanwhile, fans of Philly sports are at baseball, football, and hockey games, whether or not our teams are any good.
And at least our state doesn’t elect Senators who commit vehicular homicide.
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:00 am
Believe me, Boston is no more nasty than Philly. (I once took a wrong turn near UPenn, yikes!)And RJS, last time I checked, BC was still south of the Charles River. A cursory check there will turn up at least one or two “intelligent or articulate” people, some of whom still play some football. (Not as exciting as a squeaker over Towson or running it up on Wm. & Mary but they have their moments. BTW, 17 members of the current team are graduates studying for master’s degrees.) Also, Boston is actually a “majority/minority city”, with that trend increasing. Might have something to do with immigrants coming for the jobs, despite God-awful house prices. I admit, though, our cheese-steaks do suck.
November 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 am
Amanda, those guys “getting their masters” are just working the system to play a season after graduating. I know because I was an athlete in college too. They’re totally done with classes. Props to BC for graduating 95% of their players, but call it like it is.
Dood is right- when the Pats sucked, nobody in New England wanted to be a Pats fan. When the Bruins sucked (2003-2006 mostly, but it continues…) fans wouldn’t show up. They booed Big Joe out of town just in time for him to win an MVP in SJ. The fans only want to be a fan of a winning team- BoSox included. Though the Sox were often solid middle-of-the-pack teams during that 86 year streak.
Speaking of which, the BoSox didn’t want Jackie Robinson, they didn’t want Willie Mays, and they were the last team in the MLB to adopt any minority players. Fact is, it’s not as bad today but Boston is still a town with a lot of racial tensions not found in many other big cities.
November 23rd, 2007 at 8:25 am
eh, in reverse order:
Check out the stats for the NHL as a whole. Boston is all front runners because we don’t watch more hockey than Canadians? NOBODY is watching hockey, in Boston or elsewhere.(And the Jacobs Brothers parsimonious ownership isn’t exactly a news flash.)Re BC:
I don’t claim to be objective but I was there. I saw guys get MBA’s and M.Ed.’s. If they were all bogus, (and I was in class at CSOM with some of these members of the Alumni Association), by all means do an “expose” with SI on a selective university. Think about it, these guys aren’t getting drafted. They are a year away from teaching/coaching or selling securities and BC is offering them a free resume boost. Goldman Sachs will no doubt mention that the guy played ball but he had better be able to crunch numbers as well. Again, I know whereof I speak. BC didn’t get their grad rate accidentally, they work at it. And as far as “telling it like it is”, how far back do you want to go in history to find racism in Boston, Crispus Attucks at the Massacre? Wow, Robinson and Mays? Yawkey was a racist, no shit. He has also been dead for over 30 years. How many consecutive sellouts by the Sox and Pats does it take? And WE get accused of living in the past? I would submit that attitudes like yours are self-fulfilling prophesies. Like many urban communities, Boston has problems. We should be busy fixing them instead of obsessing on somehow changing history during the Eisenhower Administration.
November 23rd, 2007 at 9:57 am
Philly,
You boo Santa Claus.
You boo McNabb.
You booed Mike Schmidt.
You’re probably pissed at Schilling, too. And why wouldn’t you? He’s has more rings in 4 baseball seasons in Boston than the ENTIRE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA has in TWO DECADES in all four sports - that’s over 85 combined seasons (including 9 seasons when you had Schilling… in his prime).
And if you think Tom Brady is a problem, what about your drug pushing coach, Andy Reid?
According to the courts, his home is a “drug emporium”… which leads to two questions - is he too stupid to see it? or is so stupid he thought he could get away with it?
Last time I checked, having kids out of wedlock isn’t illegal. But running a drug emporium in your living room is.
Oh and if we’re going to talk about fans, let’s not forget that Veterans Stadium had four jail cells in it, because the fans were that bad. And when they built Lincoln, they included 4 jail cells. It hasn’t been until recently that the fans in Philly have returned to normal human behavior.
Boston isn’t perfect. Nor do we claim to be. But no matter of being pissed that we’re winners is going to make you any better. Don’t get mad at us for winning. Be mad at yourself for losing.
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:22 am
Having relocated from Philly to Boston for work, I have to say the two cities aren’t even in the same league. I don’t think I realized how much of a craphole philly was until I lived somewhere else. I can’t really come up with one measurement where Philly would be better than Boston, and that makes me kind of sad. I think Philly has a lot of potential, but it’s just not there yet. In terms of sports fans though, I think both cities have equally rabid fans that would be the same no matter where they lived. Except for booing santa claus, chucking d-cell batteries at players, ice balls…ok maybe philly fans are a little off their rocker.
November 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 am
Ignorant Massholes
One word describes your city
Insufferable
November 23rd, 2007 at 11:48 am
LKS:
That’s right; Boston fans never boo anyone. It’s a happy land of unwavering supporters who would never question their teams/
Oh wait, I seemed to remember the greatest hitter of all time, Ted Williams facing constant booing from the fans at Fenway. It doesnt stop there, sox fans routinely booed Carl Yastrzemski and manny ramirez. Hell I think if jesus played in left for the red sox you would boo him too. why dont you spend the rest of your day trying to think up a creative nickname for your fanbase that you didnt steal from the Oakland Raiders.
November 23rd, 2007 at 4:34 pm
“Oh wait, I seemed (sic) to remember the greatest hitter of all time, Ted Williams facing constant booing from the fans at Fenway.” Dude, you’re entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts. If anyone was at loggerheads with the press, it was Jim Rice and he’s now in the press box. It would appear that everyone loves a winner, (a phenomenon with which you may be unfamiliar, I’m sure).
“Boston fans never boo anyone. It’s a happy land of unwavering supporters who would never question their teams/(sic)”. To those of us who read without moving our lips, this is known as a “strawman”, put up to be knocked down. We didn’t say that, you did. However, I have to admit grudging admiration for someone who can argue with himself and lose.
Finally, don’t expect us to rally around Teddy with that “Chappaquiddick” crap. You want him? You got him. How about we swap for Tom Ridge and a player to be named later?
November 24th, 2007 at 9:01 am
You’re right about Ted Williams; I’m wrong. Also, Hitler never invaded Poland, man never walked on the moon, and Teddy Kennedy never killed a girl at Chappaquiddick Creek. I’m intrigued by what life must be like in your revisionist bubble. And you can have Tom Ridge, we prefer to keep Ed Rendell and have him taking bets in the 700 Level on who can hit Jimmy Johnson’s perfectly styled hair with a snowball.
November 24th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Charlie, when you’re in a hole, stop digging. Chappy is an ISLAND, not a creek. I AGREED with you that Teddy is a POS that no one wants. (Sort of the Ira Einhorn of Boston). Try bookmarking Wikipedia on your computer. They have some good stuff on “strawmen” and how their use is self-defeating in a discussion. Enjoy the game, I know I will!
November 24th, 2007 at 11:19 am
I’m literally laughing out loud at Bostonites trying to defend the racial situation in the city. As a transplant I get to see it with open eyes every day. What a bunch of clowns. But hey, at least tis good to see that the Celtics are finally selling tickets again. Wonder why that is. It obviously couldn’t be the front-running fan base. Obviously.
November 24th, 2007 at 11:52 am
It’s “Bostonians”,nitwit. And if your point of origin is so superior to our self-obsessed little burg, why in the world did you accept that “transplant”? Did you think the Witness Protection Program would be more successful here?
November 26th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Good call Bill Bender. At least Vegas is happy.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:46 am
So booing a drunken fool dressed as Santa who can barely walk is considered wrong? In Boston, you encourage your kids to approach fat drunk guys? Booing that Santa is something that I am proud of my fanbase for. I only hope that your’s would do the same.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
And remember, that Santa was booed at a game in which was a sell out at the end of the season with snow. How many games did we win that year? 1. How much were they down at the half? Enough to make any fan be upset with rooting on a team that gave them that as a thank you at “fan appreciation” day.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Dear Amanda,
Wow! You can use big words! You are SOOO much more superior than the rest of us…
Of course, that’s also what makes you - and the rest of the Boston Bandwagon - suck. There was a time, not too long ago, that we here in Philly admired and associated with Bostonians. Then, of course, a little of that Yankee-like arrogance took over, and now your fans are basically a bunch of conceited, front-running jerks.
I’m not sure if your eyes are closed, or if you’re too busy thumbing your noses at everyone not named “Brady,” but you might notice that it IS true that the Pats weren’t even on the radar in Boston until Vinny hit the most “dramatic” 30+ yard indoor field goal in NFL history. And there’s nothing like the culturally rich Celtics of the early 80’s. Oh, and people in Philly ARE watching the Flyers, so speak for yourself about “…no one watching hockey.”
As for the Sox, I used to root for you guys as my American League squad. Unfortunately, however, the ego balloon has since grown so much at Fenway, it appears that no one else can get in. What a shame.
Believe me, when I see the SOX bandwagon roll into Citizen’s Bank Park next year, I’ll make sure it isn’t Santa that comes to mind when you think of abusive fans.