Be a Scofflaw, Help a Child
Want to help a child this holiday season? Do you have a bad habit of racking up parking ticket debt? You’re in luck. The City of Boston has announced that anyone who gets a ticket between December 4 and December 6 can pay their fine by donating a toy.
It’s philanthropy for selfish people.
We’re all for helping the needy, and maybe this will finally reform the jerks who take up a space all day long. (Many of the most egregious parking offenses, such as parking in a handicapped space or blocking a hydrant aren’t eligible for the program.) Offenders can’t get away with donating some lame toy from Family Dollar since the city requires a toy be of equal or greater value of the parking ticket. Perhaps as violators bring their toys to City Hall later in the month, they will experience a Grinch-like growth of heart.
“I’ve been so wrong,” the driver will say, handing the unwrapped toy and its receipt to a city worker. “I’ve only been considering my needs when I drive around, flipping people off and occupying a parking space all day. While I’ve been so selfish, children are experiencing a holiday season without presents. Finally, I see the error of my ways. Starting today, I will dedicate my time to helping those less fortunate than myself.”
“Um,” the city staffer will interject. “This toy’s only worth $39.99. Your fine is $40. You’ll have to go get another non-violent toy that matches the value of the ticket.”
“It’s only one cent off.”
“Doesn’t matter,” the city worker will say, tapping on that piece of information on the press release.
“Screw you,” the driver will say, grabbing the toy back. “I’ll be contesting this ticket.” Then he drives off to Newbury Street, double-parking as he returns the toy that nearly changed his life.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:56 am
As the Director of Communications for Family Dollar, as well as, one of the sponsors for the Toys for Tots program at our Corporate Office, I must say I am very offended by the sentence “Offenders can’t get away with donating some lame toy from Family Dollar…” Our stores are constantly focused on providing great everyday products at low prices for the convenience of our customers, and with that comes value! We have a number of great toys including Bratz Dolls, Cabbage Patch Kids, Transformers, as well as, many other major brand names like Mattel and Playskool. Yes - these toys are offered at low prices, that may or may not equal the cost of a parking ticket, but that does not mean the toy is “lame.” It just means that it may not be sufficient for the “crime.” The concept is wonderful and I applaud your efforts to raise toys for children, but I ask that next time you write up a story, please pay careful attention to your choice of words because great value on great toys does not equal “lame.”