Your condensed guide to today’s daily papers.

Sal DiMasi lays down the law: The Speaker of the House promises that he’ll be on the lookout for phantom voting, even sending some of his top lackeys to make sure legislators are pressing their own voting buttons. [Herald]

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Your long day of corporate drudgery is over. Get out and enjoy the city! Here are a few ideas to get you started, lovingly picked by Boston Daily.

A best-selling author and a literary critic agree to a debate. It could be a recipe for disaster, or perhaps an amiable chat. Find out how it goes down as Jonathan Franzen and James Wood appear at Harvard tonight.

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Pervs are taking over the city!!! Last month, we were delighted to read Herald reporter Jessica Van Sack’s expose on the MBTA police’s perv patrol. Then the MBTA stepped up its game by launching an ad campaign designed to shame potential gropers into keeping their hands to themselves.

If the vague ads on the T don’t work, the Herald’s City Wired blog hopes to shame subway sickos into submission by posting every sexual assault or groping incident.

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One week before Opening Day at Fenway, a girl named Alexa Rodriguez was attacked by a hawk while touring America’s favorite ballpark. The Red Sox organization says the bird’s nest was removed shortly after the incident, but I’ve been to two day games since then and have seen the majestic creatures soaring overhead both times, much to the delight of fans.

When it comes time to write about the bird, we’ve described it as the Fenway Park hawk. The Lowell Spinners stuck with the generic Red-Tailed Hawk when it named the bird the official mascot of its Yankees Elimination Project. The Herald described it as “Fenway Park’s in-house hawk.”

We think it’s high time the bird got a proper name.

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Taking you around the internet for your afternoon enjoyment.

Maybe we’re in the wrong line of work: Fugitive mobster James “Whitey” Bulger made Forbes’ list of the World’s 10 Most Wanted criminals. The magazine also estimates Bulger is worth as much as $50 million. If we find him, do we get to keep his fortune? [Herald]

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We thought Roger Clemens had finished grossing us out. After all, we learned way too much about the pitcher’s palpable mass during his congressional testimony. Then there were questions about whether he bled though his pants. It was disgusting stuff.

But Clemens may outdo himself yet. The Daily News reports that while he was with the Red Sox, Clemens started dating 15-year-old country singer Mindy McCready. [via Daily Intel]

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One year for Christmas, the rest of the family decided to buy my nature-loving grandparents a beehive. For a few summers, they watched the bees buzz happily in and out of the white box in the back corner of the yard. But eventually even my industrious grandparents found beekeeping wasn’t worth the hassle and unloaded the equipment on someone else.

If they can’t do it, I doubt a bunch of inexperienced suburbanites with smokers can keep a hive going.

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In this edition of the Weekender, the Celtics come up small, the Red Sox come up even smaller, and the Patriots draft linebackers, corners, and a quarterback (?)

It wasn’t so much that the Celtics lost a game in Atlanta this weekend. Only one NBA series looks like it’s headed for a sweep (Denver-LA), and from Phoenix to Toronto, underdogs made at least one impassioned defense of their home court in every other series. It was the way the C’s went down that was so disconcerting. They abandoned their offense, reverting to what Doc Rivers calls “hero ball,” (also known as a desire to go 1-on-5) and they played with all the intensity of a second game of a back-to-back in January.

The Hawks should have quit while Josh Smith was throwing in 3-pointers like he was Mookie Blaylock, but they couldn’t leave well enough alone. Al Horford, who has been the only consistent player for Atlanta in this series, took the time to taunt Pierce toward the end of the game, and the rest of the team can’t stop yapping.

If the Celtics are who they say they are (cue Denny Green), then we finally have a playoff game worth watching tonight. (more…)

Just because you spent all weekend waiting for May flowers doesn’t mean the world stopped moving. We round up the notable stories you missed.

Saturday
There’s a whole lot of trouble in transportation. The Globe reports that an independent study of the Longfellow Bridge says the structure is in even worse state than originally thought.

The paper also reports that parking lot owners are ignoring the limit on their licenses and are cramming in as many cars as possible. On the positive side, city and federal officials don’t have enough staff to make sure lots aren’t over their limit, so you shouldn’t worry about parking becoming even more scarce any time soon.

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Your condensed guide to today’s daily papers.

The bank can foreclose on everything but the kitchen sink: Some homeowners who are on the brink of foreclosure have started taking fixtures and copper wiring out of their properties before the bank comes to collect. [Herald]

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