Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

Two games, two wins, until history. It’s never been done, but it is inevitable. The much-discussed 1972 Miami Dolphins went 14-0 during the regular season, then went on to win the Super Bowl and complete the NFL’s only perfect campaign.

They were rank amateurs.

If the Pats win Sunday, and they will, they’ll be the NFL’s first 15-0 team. And, as fate would have it, they’re playing the Dolphins. Most teams would overlook Miami. After all, the Fins have just one lonely win this season. Ah, but the Pats are not most teams. Why? Because, as you’ve likely heard, they are humble. And they enjoy pie. Pie of the humble variety.

Some out in Foxborough — the clever ones — call this combination humble pie.

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Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

Huh. Did something happen this week with the Pats and the Jets? Something about a videotape? I missed it. Really, who has time to keep up with the drama when there’s real news happening?

Well, probably doesn’t matter. Only a fool would make a huge deal about a videotape when he should be paying attention to the big story: Sunday is going to feature a serious beatdown. If the news reports are to be believed, the gods remain angry, and a crushing blow is about to be levied. This will not be for the weak at heart.

What? No, I’m not talking about the Pats smashing the Jets (though that will likely happen). I’m talking about the weather smashing all of us (including the Pats and the Jets)…Another storm’s a comin’ on Sunday.

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Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

This is getting out of control. A lot of people have been mad at the Patriots this season for various infractions, real and perceived. Let’s see, first people were upset about SpyGate. Then they were angry about the Pats running up the score. Most recently, everyone’s been talking about how the refs are doing everything they can to help New England win. Naturally, all of that has provided plenty of fodder for the usual Pats sycophants.

But as grating as that mindless back and forth between the Pats Colony and the rest of America is, I’ve grown used to it. (By the way, I’m working on trademarking “Pats Colony;” until then, try it out at a party free of charge.) What I haven’t grown used to, what needs to stop immediately, is the aggravating use of this latest edition to our collective lexicon: “Belichickian.”
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Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

Thanksgiving mercifully saved me from having to breakdown last week’s Pats-Eagles game. Between us, I just didn’t have it in me to write a preview about New England beating the crap out of my hometown Birds. Plus, had I written that, I would have been wrong.

In case you missed it, the once invulnerable New England Patriots, the guys everyone figured would throttle each of their opponents on their way to an undefeated season, barely squeaked out a win at home against Philadelphia last Sunday Night. In fact, the Pats were, arguably, one fewer AJ Feeley interception away from losing that game.

Suddenly, the Pats don’t look quite as unbeatable as they once did.

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Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

The bye week came at just the right time — not so much for the Pats as for me. I needed the rest. But I’m back and refreshed and ready to let you in on a secret:

The Patriots are good.

Shhh. Keep that quiet.

You likely haven’t noticed, but they’ve destroyed eight of their opponents en route to a sterling 9-0 record. (In the other game, they played terribly against the Colts and still won). Ah, but that’s not even the crazy part. The truly amazing element here is that not only are the Pats beating up the NFL, they’re whipping a much tougher foe — Vegas. (more…)

Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

On Sunday, just one week after the Red Sox claimed another World Series, Boston will be treated to another momentous game when the Patriots meet the Indianapolis Colts.

There’s been a lot of hype for this game. Under normal circumstances, I would dismiss most (if not all) of it as run-of-the-mill press hysteria. I used to be a member of the sports media, and I know full well how easily journos can get caught up in the pomp and pageantry of events like this one.

That said, as far as regular season games go, I think Sunday’s match-up will be spectacular. It’s going to be a real life Clash of the Titans — only without the underlying homoeroticism. And bad special effects. And Greek Mythology.

Otherwise, just like that. (more…)

Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

OK. Look. You probably don’t want to hear this, but the lot of you are getting ahead of yourselves. So the Sox the Pats are off to a hot start. So Josh Beckett Tom Brady looks like at he’s at the top of his game, and totally unstoppable. So Boston New England looks like it’s on its way to a World Series Super Bowl title. So what?

There’s still a lot of baseball football to be played.

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Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

You probably haven’t noticed, but I’ve been a bit snarky when discussing your New England Patriots and how their season measures up historically. (Sarcasm is my biggest flaw.) But here, now, I’m going to do something I haven’t done since I was a wee lad: I’m going to apologize.

I’m sorry.

There. I said it.

New England is every bit as formidable as you, dear readers, have been telling me. (By the way, I’m being serious; it’s sometimes hard to tell.) Last weekend’s 48-27 whuppin’ of the Cowboys, on their turf, opened my eyes. CBS studio host James Brown helped, too. (more…)

Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

As some of you may or may not know, I spent some time in Dallas before moving to Boston. In fact, if I had gotten one or two breaks, I would likely be on Capitol Hill, representing a portion of Texas, as we speak. Seriously, I was thisclose to becoming a member of Congress.

Anyway, point is, I’m in a unique position to break down Sunday’s clash between your New England Patriots and the hated Dallas Cowboys. And what better way to do so than by pitting Boston against Dallas in one of those side-by-side, city-vs.-city comparisons that lazy sportswriters love so much?

Indeed, it’s lobster rolls against corny dogs (that’s what they call them down there, I swear) after the jump. (more…)

Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

It’s been an interesting week since the Pats demolished the hapless, over-matched Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football.

Let’s see, Rodney Harrison is back on the field after serving a four-game suspension for taking human growth hormone. His teammates welcomed him back with open arms, including one who was like, dude, no worries, who hasn’t been there?

Meanwhile, some crazy nut is suing the Pats and alleging that Tom Brady spiked Donovan McNabb’s Chunky Soup with a listening device.

All of that, though, takes a backseat to this: Browns head coach Romeo Crennel has been wondering something. He’s been wondering who might win in a fight between himself and Bill Belichick.

You read that right.

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