The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues.

A Rising Star

In the past two years Clancy, a West Roxbury resident, has performed in a Chase credit card commercial, several student films, and an upcoming independent film. He has a big shot agent in New York, a place in Manhattan, and prefers goulda cheese. Clancy, you see, is a border collie.

According to the West Roxbury Transcript, the canine began performing two yeas ago when his owner, Deidre Cavanaugh, answered posts on Craigslist. Apparently, he’s obedient off screen as well. When his owner says, “Stinky dog,” he jumps in the tub, and when she says, “What do you do if you’re caught on fire?” he rolls around on the ground. Because you never know when Clancy could end up rescuing Timmy from that fire over in the old mill. (more…)

The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues.

It’s a Steal

A group of three local thugs allegedly beat a Cambridge man and stole his necklace on Thursday night, according to the Cambridge Chronicle. Police swarmed the area and stopped the three suspects as they ran down the train tracks behind Jefferson Park. They then found the victim’s broken white gold chain hanging around one of the suspect’s necks and seized it as evidence. First rule of being a jewel thief: Don’t wear your loot, especially not right after you’ve stolen it. Second rule of being a jewel thief: Try not to break your loot in the process of stealing it. Makes the resale value drop pretty quickly. Just sayin’.

Shaws: The Center of the News Universe

The Allston-Brighton TAB reports that a Shaw’s grocery store on Western Avenue in Brighton reopened as a Star Market on August 1. The remodeled store now features more self-checkout lanes and larger floral and organic food sections to go along with the company’s new “fresh and healthy” motto. We’re not sure what the old Star Market motto was, but we’re betting on “disorganized and dingy”… Meanwhile, at a Shaw’s on Everett Street in Brighton, a woman was arrested for allegedly carrying 42 DVDs out of the store without paying. The contents of her stash are anyone’s guess, but we’re guessing it included the old classics To Catch a Thief, The Market of Vain Desire, and our favorite, Grocery Mishap, described on IMDB as “Kill Bill meets Aunt Jemima.” (more…)

The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues. 

Twiggy Dethroned by Paper-Loving Bunny

The Cambridge Chronicle writes that a YouTube video of an MIT student’s rabbit opening a letter with its teeth has had over 800,000 views. The video, featuring the dwarf-lionhead rabbit named Texx Arnabi, hit it big when Spanish website BestofYouTube.com featured it. Obviously, the public standards for entertainment have lowered drastically—back in our day, an animal had to be water skiing or skateboarding to become famous. (more…)

The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues. (Often enough, that is.)

The Apocalypse Directive: Taking out former GOP candidates one at a time

In his new novel, Douglas McKinnon, conservative commentator, avid Mitt Romney supporter, and Dorchester novelist, pits a Dorchester man against an evangelical organization hell-bent on “nuking all the Muslims in the world,” according to the Dorchester Reporter.

The novel was inspired by Mike Huckabee’s Jesus-infused presidential run, of which Mr. McKinnon was not a fan. If Romney’s ass-kissing doesn’t land him the VP position, we can probably look forward to a novel on McCain leading a platoon of AARP members in an unsuccessful bid to retake North Vietnam.

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The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues. (Often enough, that is.)

Vegan Pizzas Arrrr Delicious

The Jamaica Plain Gazette writes that a vegan pizzeria will soon be opening in JP. Felicia Scallywaggles, a sister store to TJ Scallywaggles in Allston, will serve pizza with soy-based substitutes such as “cheeze,” “pepperino” and “sauhsage.” The pizzeria will serve a very select niche that has long been neglected: vegan dyslexic pirates.

Extreme Fitness Classes Pretty Mild

The Allston-Brighton Tab highlights the new Outdoor Extreme Class at Oak Square’s YMCA, which has members complete circuit training outdoors, run up hills, and the stairs at Harvard Stadium. Sorry, YMCA, but Harvard Stadium is not extreme. We live in the age of American Gladiators, okay. Extreme is Nitro giving chase up a staircase in Cambridge. Look at Nitro’s getup, YMCA. Now, that’s extreme.

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Cambridge Unknowingly Stages Cheap Frankenstein Re-Enactment

The Cambridge Chronicle reports that a mob of people wielding shovels and rakes attacked a local man in North Cambridge on the evening of July 2nd. The 21-year-old was jumped while walking past Jefferson Park public housing, but the crowd dispersed when police arrived. The cops don’t know the motive for the attack but, um, shovels and rakes? Everyone knows you can’t be a legit angry mob without pitchforks and torches.

Slowest News Week Ever—Or, Further Proof That Animals Are Changing Their Shapes and Colors in a Bid to One Day Dominate Us?

The late-breaking news from the Somerville Journal is this headline story: “White squirrels rare, not unheard of in Somerville.” Take a look at that photo. That’s one scary-looking squirrel. And it appears to be in low flight. Can it not only change its color but transcend its physical limitations? And what about this chipmunk? It’s skiing! Skiing! End times, we tell you. End times. (more…)

The interns at Boston Daily read the weeklies so you don’t have to.

Oil Leak Improves River’s Aesthetics

The Allston-Brighton Tab reports that an electric line leaked thousands of gallons of mineral oil into Leverett Pond, coating the banks of the Muddy River with a “slick, bluish sheen.” Which is actually better than how it normally looks.

That Name Again is Mr. Skunk

The Somerville Journal profiles a local artist whose robots made of bike parts and other garbage will be on display at SPACE 242 starting this week. The 38-year-old man, who will officially change his name to “Mister Skunk” this month, cites science fiction and Parliament Funkadelic as his sources of inspiration. Mr. Skunk, you intrigue us. (more…)

It’s back. We read the neighborhood weeklies so you don’t have to.

Say It Ain’t So

The Back Bay Sun reports that the annual Bastille Day street festival, hosted by the French Library and Cultural Center, is being grounded this July 14. The mayor’s office of licensing doesn’t want live music past nine, and no dancing in the streets. Van Halen is not pleased.

Feud No More

The bitter spat that has played out in the Globe and in the pages of this magazine, between Suffolk University and the Beacon Hill Civic Association is finally over. According to the Beacon Hill Times, Suffolk University is getting their new building at 20 Somerset Street and in return will cap their undergraduate admissions at 5,000. (more…)

Not every item of note can make it into Boston’s big dailies. We scoured the local papers to keep you up-to-date.

Talk about not being able to read a room: A patron at Phoenix Landing in Cambridge was arrested after allegedly praising Adolf Hitler and shouting “I hate white Democratic lesbians.” [Cambridge Chronicle]

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Not every item of note can make it into Boston’s big dailies. We scoured the local papers to keep you up-to-date.

Breathe easy, Somerville: The Mystic View Task Force is testing the air quality around Assembly Square to set a baseline to gauge the impact of the 50,000 cars Ikea predicts will come to its newest location. Officials say it’s hard to judge the impact the additional traffic will have on residents until it actually shows up, so this is pretty much the evidence they’ll use in lawsuits when half of Somerville develops asthma. [Somerville Journal]

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