Wellness

We Got Our Hands on Polar’s Crazy New Flavors

Spoiler: Yeti Mischief tastes a lot like Hawaiian Punch.
Polar Seltzer

Photo by Toan Trinh/Lizzy Barrett/Julia Hopkins

UPDATED, September 20, 2017: Still itching to taste these whimsical flavors? Polar announced via social media that, for the first time, the Impossibly Good collection is available for purchase online. Bulk grocery service Boxed is selling mega-packs—a six-pack of each flavor—for $11.99, and you can order yours here. The only question now: Which flavor will you try first?

Original story:

The moment you’ve all been waiting for is here.

After teasing a magical batch of new flavors—Dragon Whispers, Yeti Mischief, Mermaid Songs, and old favorite Unicorn Kisses—earlier this month, Polar Seltzer is beginning to send its fantastical creations out into the world. The special edition collection, which comes in petite eight-ounce cans, is technically called Polar Seltzer Junior, leading us to believe it’s designed to get a whole new generation hooked on bubbles and fruit essence.

But more importantly, what, exactly, does a dragon whisper taste like? What about a mermaid song? Glad you asked, friends. Here, a collection of highly scientific thoughts from the Boston staff:

Yeti Mischief

Most of us liked this one. It smells just like Hawaiian Punch, and then also tastes just like Hawaiian Punch…only not so sweet. And tangy. And also citrusy. Then there’s some subtle powdery flavor in there, reminiscent of that stuff on Hubba Bubba gum. (Side note: What is that stuff?)

Dragon Whispers

This one was just okay. It started off with a distinct and overpowering odor of Pixy Stix, which is a bold place to start. The first sip reveals notes of strawberry, and perhaps some tropical fruits. Pineapple, maybe?

Mermaid Songs

Mermaid songs received a resounding thumbs down, pushing one staffer to melodramatically proclaim it, “The drink that should never have been made.” It smells and tastes like a cross between Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish, and, depending on who you ask, there might be “some pine in there.” Your tongue will probably feel weird afterward.

Unicorn Kisses

Now, we first tasted Unicorn Kisses a year ago. At the time, staffers described it as tasting like everything from Airheads to melon to soap. There wasn’t much more agreement this time around. In no particular order, the flavors we detected include:

  • Green apple Jolly Ranchers
  • Bubble gum
  • Cotton candy
  • Vanilla, hiding beneath fruit overtones
  • Gummy bears
  • Bath and Body Works Cucumber Melon foam soap

Curious to try ’em for yourself? They’ll be shipped to participating retailers on August 1.


Jamie Ducharme Jamie Ducharme, Contributor jducharme@bostonmagazine.com