The Experts

By Julie Suratt

They hosted your shower, organized your bachelorette, helped choose flowers, and listened as you bitched endlessly about your mother-in-law-to-be. “A good bridesmaid is there for you 100 percent,” says five-time bridesmaid Donna Garlough of Jamaica Plain. Just remember: They’re not the hired help. We asked a few seasoned attendants to share their collective wisdom.

Don’t dress your bridesmaids like septuplets. It just looks silly. Your photos will still look smart if you choose a designer and color, and then let your friends choose their own style, says five-time bridesmaid Tara Cahill of South Boston.

Don’t choose a $300 dress. This needs no elaboration. But something else to consider: Don’t pick a dress that’s tough to alter. If it has five layers of silk chiffon and industrial-strength boning, your bridesmaids will spend nearly as much as the dress cost to make it fit.

Keep your bachelorette party in check. “I’m sick of going out of state and spending a gazillion dollars,” says six-time bridesmaid Danielle Cirigliano of Wakefield. “It can be low-key but still a ton of fun.” Cahill remembers a bachelorette party where the bride insisted everyone stay at the Four Seasons. “The weekend cost me $2,000.” If you’re dead set on heading to sunny climes, “plan ahead,” she advises. “If everyone books their
tickets months in advance, it’s not as expensive.”

Don’t let the post-ceremony photo shoot drag on. You spent hours obsessing over which appetizers should be passed during cocktail hour, and now you’re going to miss it? “My photographer took all the group shots before the ceremony. All we had to do afterward was take shots of me and my husband together,” says Cahill.

Keep the bridal shower to three hours. Nobody enjoys oohing and aahing over gifts. “When I got married, I had the host write ‘Bring all gifts unwrapped so Tara can spend more time with her guests’ on the invitations,” says Cahill.

You don’t have to invite all 12 of your best friends to be bridesmaids. “I was an usher in two of my friends’ weddings, and it was really fun,” says Dana Finn of Natick. “Technically I was still in the bridal party, but I didn’t have to buy a dress!”

Be nice. If you still want to be friends after the wedding, treat your bridesmaids with some semblance of respect. “I was in a wedding where the bride had us sign a document saying that we wouldn’t gain more than five pounds and we wouldn’t cut our hair without consulting her,” says Cirigliano. Needless to say, “I don’t talk to her anymore.”

For seven great bridesmaid gift ideas for seven very different women, go on to the next page...