Kobe Bryant Joins Twitter

It's the pitch-perfect feed of an arch-villain, but we kind of like it.

Kobe Bryant is, of course, a villain around these parts. And he should be. Aside from being the best player on the Celtics’ number one rival team, he seems like a jerk. He scowls at teammates, has a history of whining about management, famously feuded with Shaq, and, just for good measure, cheated on his wife. But that was years ago now, and I have to admit, I’m coming around on Kobe. The reason is that I am genuinely impressed by how much he embraces his inner-asshole. This is, after all, the guy who gave himself the nickname, “Black Mamba,” after a giant venomous snake. He’s so comfortable with his own jerk self that I can’t help but like him. Forgive me the reference, but is there any doubt that Kobe would be in Slytherin House and absolutely love it?

The latest step forward in Kobe’s endearing dickishness is his Twitter feed, which he just launched over the weekend. Here was his first tweet:

You can just feel him coiled on the other side of the screen, ready to spring through and bite your head off if you so much as look at him the wrong way. It’s wonderful. And while Kobe does use his feed to do things like wish his niece a happy birthday, for the most part he’s all business. Check out these ones:

It’s like he’s got some weird hybrid of Gandhi and Sun Tzu ghost writing for him. And if his pitch perfect Twitter feed weren’t enough, out comes news today that, after the Lakers’ New Years Day loss to Philadelphia, he picked a locker room fight with the NBA’s new number one villain, Dwight Howard. Apparently Kobe told Howard that he agreed with, of all people, Shaq’s assessment of the big man as soft. Howard, who has four inches and 60 pounds on Kobe, had to be restrained from hitting his teammate, but is there any doubt who would have won the fight? After all, the Black Mamba knows better than anyone that, “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”