Sarah Palin’s Excellent New Hampshire Adventure

1223667778Thank God gas prices are going down. Now we Bay Staters will be able to afford a trip to New Hampshire to see Republican vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin. Dover High School will host the Alaska governor for a town hall-style event on Wednesday morning.

We can just imagine her itinerary.

7 a.m.: Wake up. Insist on breakfast of pancakes with local maple syrup. Say, “I love eating exotic local foods!”

8 a.m.: Arrive at Dover High School. Scan kids in the audience to find possible replacement for that no-good impregnating Levi.

10 a.m.: Run SNL lines. Don’t quite get the jokes.

11 a.m.: Start speech with “How many hockey moms are in the house?!”

11:15 a.m.: Wink. Be sure to wink at the teachers, not the students.

11:30 a.m.: “How about those Tampa Bay Rays?” Recoil in horror at boos.

12 p.m.: Depart stage with a wave. Send staffer to get number of cute boy in front row for Bristol.

1 p.m.: Return to hotel. Give the papers a cursory glance. All of them.

1:30 p.m.: Ask staffer if she can go moose hunting.

1:35 p.m.: Staffer reports that she’s missed the start of moose hunting season by three days.

2 p.m.: Head to airport. Ask pilot to inform her when they fly over Massachusetts. Hold breath, as if passing a cemetery.

Photo from New Hampshire Fish and Game website

  • Boston Knucklehead

    You couldn’t pay me to go watch her speak. The thought of her running our country makes me sick. She should stick to what she knows best, commercial fishing.