A Lobster Tale

Okay, so it may not be Kennebunkport-chic, but friends insist Kelly’s Roast Beef makes a great lobster roll. It’s big, a full half-pound of meat in a nicely grilled bun. But the meat has that pre-mixed mayo flavor. Plus, the guy at the counter says it’s all claws.

Essex, Massachusetts, is much closer to my scenic ideal, and J. T. Farnham’s—a small wooden shack overlooking a salt marsh—is picturesque. Like Kelly’s, Farnham’s is best known for something other than lobster rolls (fried clams), and I know its onion rings are perfection. But, wearing seasickness wrist bands (which allegedly cure pregnancy queasies but really just make me look like a Björn Borg groupie), I save my strength for the lobster, which is, again, fine. Light on the mayo, but with that dreaded pre-mixed flavor. I sigh. Definitely not The One.

Just when I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve set the bar too high, I hit pay dirt. The Fish Shack, right in the center of Rockport, looks a bit ramshackle, but my roll appears to contain—could it be?—bits of tail meat moistened with the faintest hint of mayonnaise. Things are looking up. I head to the Maine border, skip dinner, and go to bed.

***

And that morning is when death by lobster seems imminent. I’m still waiting for Scott and decide to slog through a forgettable roll at the Brunswick Diner. I perk up a little as I hit Wiscasset but am saving Red’s for later. I visit nearby Sprague’s, where the roll has big chunks of fresh, sweet meat.

Meanwhile, after three passes, Scott’s plane touches down. I almost weep with gratitude as he takes over driving duties and promises to share lobster testing, too.

Here’s what I mean by "sharing": At each spot, I order a grilled cheese, take one bite of his lobster roll, and look away. It lets me verify Scott’s impressions without short-circuiting.

With four candidates left, we stop at the Bayview Lobster for dinner and sit on a deck under a tangle of Christmas lights. I’m happy. So is Scott, whose appetite for lobster remains robust. Our hopes rise when we see the roll, but fall when we find the meat crumbly.

The morning’s first stop is Red’s. "Now this is a lobster roll," Scott says. He’s holding a pile of undressed meat in a grilled bun, served with melted butter and mayo on the side. I choose the butter and bite into the plumpest, sweetest meat I’ve had. Sweeter than Sprague’s, sweeter than the Fish Shack. The bun is buttery and crispy from the griddle. And I’m quite certain: This is it.

In the interest of fairness, we make three more stops on the way home, at Morse’s Lobster Shack in Brunswick, Five Island Seafood in Georgetown, and Harraseeket Lunch & Lobster in Freeport (mayo, mayo, mayo). At this point, even Scott is looking a little green around the gills, and we’re confident we’ve found our winner: Red’s. I almost hate to admit it, because every food writer wants to recommend only the most obscure spots; to map the culinary terra incognita. But honesty trumps narcissism, and I’m voting with the masses.

Just in case you’re wondering, I haven’t had a bite of lobster since this trip. Or shrimp, for that matter. (It’s too close for comfort.) Maybe by the time the little one starts talking, we’ll take him or her to Red’s and revisit our tour again—minus the morning sickness.

Boston might not host the same bounty of lobster shacks as the new england coastline, but its rolls still stack up well. Here, the city’s five best.

Served atop a lightly toasted Pepperidge Farm bun, the meat in B&G’s pricey-but-savory version of the New England classic is tossed with lemon aioli, celery, and chopped chives. $26, 550 Tremont St., 617-423-0550, bandgoysters.com.

There’s no pre-made lobster salad here—each roll is made to order, which means calorie counters can have their fresh meat with mayo, butter, or au naturel on a grilled bun. $17, 1267 Saratoga St., 617-567-1619,
belleisleseafood.com.

James Hook & Co.

An old-school wholesale lobster dealer, James Hook has the freshest (and cheapest) rolls in town—more than 5 ounces of choice meat merged with just the right amount of mayo and celery. $12, 15-17 Northern Ave., 617-423-5500, jameshooklobster.com.

Even cold-roll devotees praise Neptune’s hot, toasted brioche lobster sandwiches: Each is served with chunks of tail, knuckle, and claw sautéed in nothing more than a little salty butter. $24, 63 Salem St., 617-742-3474,
neptuneoyster.com.

Maine native and chef Andrew Wilkinson’s classic masterpiece consists of eight heaping ounces of tender meat blended with mayo, celery, salt, and pepper on an open, griddled long roll. $23, 199 Clarendon St., 617-536-3500, skipjacks
.com.