Bling That Thing: Getting Vajazzled

Illustration by Kirsten Ulve

On a cold New England day, I’m climbing the stairs to the fourth floor of the Dellaria Salon in Kenmore Square. Halfway to the top, I text a friend: “I’m on my way to get vajazzled.” Her reply: “Did you just say vajazzled?!”

Indeed. I tell her I’m doing this because it’s the hottest “It” service to be introduced since eyelash extensions. The truth? I’m curious. As hell.

Vajazzling is the final frontier in personal embellishments: where a va-you-know-what gets bedazzled with rhinestones. The trend was made popular in Manhattan — birthplace of all things gratuitously sparkly — but caught national attention last year when Jennifer Love Hewitt suddenly couldn’t get through an interview without talking about hers. In my book, Hewitt hasn’t been relevant since her days on Party of Five. And yet here I lie on a paper-covered table, in a moment that feels like a mash-up of MTV’s Pimp My Ride and an annual visit to my OB/GYN.

The procedure’s simple enough: First, the aesthetician preps. (The art form demands a, ahem, “clear canvas,” I’m informed.) Next, a spritz of nerve-searing alcohol is used to aid the application. Spirit gum (of the high school drama-club ilk) is applied to the decal. There’s a selection of designs to choose from: ladybugs, anchors, hearts, etc. I’m in a whimsical mood, and opt for the shooting star. Finally, the crystals are positioned, at which point I’m happy to be positioned — out the door.

Forty-five minutes and $85 later, I’m doing errands, feeling subversive about my little secret. I can’t help but giggle at the thought that for once, there’s a party of sorts in my pants. Oddly enough, my boyfriend doesn’t share my enthusiasm. “What’s it called, again?” he asks, half amused, half bewildered.

“It’s a va-JAZZ-le,” I say emphatically, hoping that by pronouncing it more slowly, it will somehow make more sense. He simply doesn’t comprehend the awesomeness. And after a few days, maybe I won’t, either.

I guess that’s what happens when you take inspiration from C-list celebs. In 10 days or less, my vajazzle will be a worn-off memory. Actually, the trend itself may well be over long before then.