LiLo Will Hook Up With Anyone…Except Eli Roth

1204815156There’s a funny story making its way around the internet right now. The thrust involves Lindsay Lohan, everyone’s favorite Newton filmmaker Eli Roth, and a chance encounter in Hollywood that didn’t end quite the way the tabloids (or Boston Daily) might have wanted.

Apparently, Lohan — and this will shock you — was checking out Roth the other night before ultimately concluding that he’s too old to defile her. (Lohan is 21, while Roth will turn 36 next month.)

Who knew she had a cutoff age?

Here’s Roth’s account of how things went down (or, come to think of it, how they didn’t):

I was having drinks with a friend at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night, and Lindsay Lohan walked by our booth with a girlfriend, checking us out. She then went out to the bathroom, turned around, came back and walked by us again, and mumbled to her friend “too old,” and kept walking. Now – she’s absolutely correct – but it was still pretty fucking hilarious. Especially since we were in the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel – where the average age is 97. If you look too old in there you’re fucked! Time to hit the Botox!

P.S. Now I’m in bed with bronchitis from not getting enough sleep last week. Maybe Lindsay’s right!

Since posting it on his MySpace page, Roth’s story has gotten serious notice, including a mention in today’s Globe and on Howard Stern. It’s also created what Roth calls “a flurry of emails.” His favorite?

Text messages from friends saying “Hey, you’re not too old – I’d still fuck you.”

Anyway, it’s a pity LiLo doesn’t hang out at Miracle of Science in Cambridge. I’m only 30.