Segways Are Out: Some Alternative Awkward Tours

The imminent demise of the Segway tour industry in Boston has probably made some pissed-off locals whose sidewalks had been terrorized by the tours quite happy. And those who just love to mock Segways for their geeky reputation surely are feeling some schadenfreude-filled glee. But what about the sector of the population who finds sheer joy in the riding of awkward vehicular-like objects? What about them? Here, a few suggestions for the enterprising tour operator looking to offer a Segway alternative.

Photograph by Agnieszka Kwiecie? Nova, via Wikipedia.

The Hobby Horse: Paul Revere rode his bay stallion to warn the colonists of the impending British attack. But since we really can’t see tourists handling ponies as they weave their way through Faneuil Hall, why not try the next best thing? You won’t look any more idiotic than all those people quacking on the duck boats.

Ex-cons As Tour Guides: True, it’s not a exactly a method of transportation. But in Naples, they’ve outfitted ex-cons in bright green vests and have them help lead tourists around. Which sounds pretty ridiculous to us, of course.

Rollerblade Tours: Segways are clunky and awkward, but at least you can blame the machine. With Rollerblades, the only person you can blame is yourself. And also, apparently, they’re back.

Penny-Farthing Bike Tours (pictured): Bike tours are a dime a dozen. But penny-farthing bike tours are, well, as rare as a penny or farthing. And these actually look like they could be fun.

The Amsterdam Beer Bike: Amsterdam has a lager that’s made it famous. Boston has its own respectable brand of brew. They why shouldn’t we copy the Dutch and take one of their more ingenious methods of transportation? The beer bike is both keg AND bike. Can you imagine taking one of those to Fenway?

Want more alternatives to tourist traps? Check out our Summer Survival Guide.