Things Boston Folks Can Learn from The Office

Because this cast just speaks to us.

Beloved NBC comedy The Office is coming to an end next week, and in honor of its farewell, it’s time to acknowledge just how much wisdom it’s given us. Here are some of the enlightened words these characters have shared over the past nine seasons that Boston natives, especially, can take personally:

For our terrible drivers:

michael scott the office

Screenshots via YouTube

Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me—no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.—Michael Scott, Season 4, “Fun Run”

For our animated sports fans, this is how you really talk trash at a Bruins game:

mindy kaling the office

I don’t talk trash; I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, “Your mama’s so fat, she could eat the Internet.” But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like, “You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.”—Kelly Kapoor, Season 4, “The Deposition”

For our college grads on the hunt for a new job:

michael scott the office

Mo’ money, mo’ problems.—Michael Scott, Season 4, “Branch Wars”

Because that large percentage of us living in Splitsville can apparently live life unchained:

the office cast

Michael: This might be Phyllis’s only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting primae noctis.

Jim: Primae noctis, I believe from the movie Braveheart and confirmed on Wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So…

Season 3, “Ben Franklin”

Because our (or just my own) personal grudge against Jen Garner for having Ben Affleck’s children is completely partial:

john krasinski the office

I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of… mythical figures, you know? We don’t really see them as real, so therefore we don’t judge them as real people.Jim Halpert, Season 5, “Prince Family Paper”

And finally, for our politicians (or maybe just Mitt Romney):

dwight schrute the office

Before I do anything, I ask myself, “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.Dwight Schrute, Season 3, “Business School”