A Few Tips for Johnny Depp When He’s in Boston to Film Black Mass
Man, how long has it been since you were last here? Crazy excited that you’re finally coming back to memorialize a certain Boston mobster. What? You left your signature fedora back at security? No problem— I asked Salmagundi owners Andria Rapagnola and Jessen Fitzpatrick to custom-make two for you:
1. lightweight rabbit-fur-felt toppers cool enough that you won’t sweat in them, even in May. They even called around to get your hat size, so it’s going to fit like a, um, hat. Oh, and in case you also forgot your beloved copy of Ulysses (I read up on your Joyce infatuation in Vanity Fair), there’s an 2.extremely rare, limited-edition copy signed not just by the author, but also Henri Matisse—the book’s illustrator—waiting for you at Peter L. Stern & Company for $30,000. Once you’ve settled in, text me and I’ll be sure to save a spot for you at the 7 a.m. Rise and Shine class over at South Boston Yoga. You know the place—it’s right by the former site of Triple O’s, Whitey’s old stomping grounds. I’m sure that if you breathe really deep, you’ll channel the ghost of the old FBI informant himself. And if you’re itching to break character and rock out, Bay State Vintage Guitars has an awesome stand-in for that ’56 Fender Telecaster you always haul around: 3. a cherry-red ’64 Gibson ES-335 that once belonged to Matt “Guitar” Murphy, of the Blues Brothers. Again, so sorry that all this acting is dragging you away from your private Bahamian island (#jealous). If you play your cards right, you might be able to snag an invite to Naushon, the Forbes family’s private retreat off the coast of Cape Cod. But if you can’t swing it on your own, fear not—we’ve got connections, baby.