South Park Premiere Mocks the Sheer Absurdity of Deflategate

Season 19 of Comedy Central’s South Park started with a bang. Or more accurately, a hiss, from 11 of 12 footballs at halftime.

Series creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker took aim at Deflategate in the show’s season premiere, titled “Stunning and Brave.” In a dream sequence, Cartman—playing New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, head coach Bill Belichick, and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell—accurately sums up the eight-month, Kafkaesque saga known as Deflategate.

BRADY: I may be down, but I’m not out. Tom Brady is never out.
GOODELL: You broke the rules.
BRADY: Fuck you I broke the rules, you’re breaking the rules.
GOODELL: Fuck you. You broke the rules.
BRADY: You broke the rules how you found out I broke the rules.
BELICHICK: Yeah, you broke the rules.
GOODELL: I’m commissioner. I can break the rules because you broke the rules before, and I didn’t bust you enough.
BRADY & BELICHICK: Just because you didn’t bust us enough for breaking the rules, that doesn’t mean you can break the rules busting us now.
GOODELL: Fuck you guys. I can do whatever I want. I’m breaking the rules.
BRADY: Fuck you, I’m Tom Brady.
GOODELL: Fuck you, I’m the commissioner. I’ll make up new rules.
BRADY & BELICHICK: Fuck your rules.
GOODELL: Fuck you guys, you always fuck the rules.
BRADY: Fuck all the rules.

Tell me: Is that exchange any more ridiculous than anything that went down in a Manhattan federal courtroom?