What’s News

Your condensed guide to today’s daily papers.

We’ve got a new goal in life: To become a sign-hanger for the Turnpike Authority, then finagle our way into a cushy early retirement and lifetime health insurance benefits. [Globe]

Set the TiVo: Fugitive mobster James “Whitey” Bulger will be featured on tonight’s Saturday night’s episode of America’s Most Wanted, which celebrates the FBI’s 100th birthday. [Herald]

Shades of the midwest: A woman was killed in a house collapse during yesterday’s powerful storms in central New Hampshire. [Globe]

Tom Brady loses his prime parking spot, gains perspective: The Patriots quarterback told reporters he chose to “spend time away with things I don’t get the opportunity to do” during the offseason. Whatever. Just as long as you’re ready to play when the season starts, Tommy. [Herald]