Mini-Masochist: The Holiday Thong

1198002040In the spirit of Bostonista‘s bout of TMI, I test drove some rather festive underthings.

A bit of background before we begin: I never wear thongs. Ever. Unlike the rest of our style team, I find them awkward, slightly skanky, and perpetually uncomfortable. Plus, I’ve always reasoned, the careful ogler can still see a VPL, it’s just higher up and, typically, lacier.

But earlier this month, I had a revelation while watching the Salvatore Ferragamo fashion show at the ICA. One of the models was wearing a tight, silk black skirt and… grannies. Her underwear line pretty much killed the outfit (not even a pair of $700 shoes could save it). I realized, after a rather smug “I told you so” look from a fellow Bostonista, maybe my boyshorts weren’t cutting it. (Or, more to the point, were cutting it.)

I opened Hanky Panky‘s new Holiday Thongs at home and immediately emailed my editor: I can’t wear these–they’re encrusted with Swarovski-like crystals and precious little silk bows. (Her response? “They’re festive! Don’t be a grinch.”)

I wore the green pair first and successfully ignored the perma-wedgie for a few hours, before divining the one-size-fits-all things were actually pretty ill-fitting. The elastic gave out almost immediately; I was left with a very baggy pair of unsupportive underwear.

The red ones brought better luck. Though they, too, were one-size, they were noticeably smaller and, I admit it, the bows are kind of cute. Then I went jean shopping. Over the course of two hours, I tried on about 20 pairs. My backside was rubbed raw. (Though I will say the pants seemed to fit and look better.)

In the end, I remain largely unswayed. Here’s my updated underwear maxim: Boyshorts for shopping, spanx for parties, and thongs–festive or otherwise–for tight, silk black skirts.

Hanky Panky holiday thongs, $25 (crystals) and $20 (bows), Neiman Marcus, Copley Place, Boston, 617-585-6000,