Just Say No to Butt Injections

No, the Kim Kardashian look does not work for you.

File this under: If something seems to good to be true, it usually is—especially when it comes to medical procedures.

In today’s “Anaconda,” Kardashian, and twerking world, it makes sense that many women are turning to cosmetic surgery to improve their ass-ets. But, after the Fix-a-Flat fiasco in Florida, we thought we’d seen it all. (If you missed it, a fake doctor was injecting the tire-saver into women’s rear ends.) While this kind of back-alley plastic surgery may be common in Florida, it was surprising to read about it in Boston. I mean, if you want a nice rear end, do squats. Apparently, the truly lazy want to find a quick fix for everything, so they turned to a Dorchester woman in order to make their derrière more appealing.

Universal Hub reported that “Valentina Perez Tavarez, also known as Rossi Tavarez, 37, injected at least ten people with a solution in 2011, at a cost of $700 per cheek, promising them plumper butt cheeks or lips.” The problem, for starters, is that Tavarez is not a doctor of any kind nor is she a medical professional. Also troubling: the solution was an oil that is used for external skin application only.

According to the indictment:

Between on or about February and September, Tavarez offered buttock and lip augmentation injections with a substance she referred to as “Metacor” and “Metacrill” in exchange for money. Tavarez offered to charge $700 per injection into each buttock and accepted a $700 deposit into her bank account for the procedure. The substance was a liquid contained in a bottle labeled “Estetical Plus 100% Natural.”

The bottle bore a written description in Spanish that referred to its content as oil and provided directions for external skin application. The bottle did not provide any information or directions for using the substance for subcutaneous injections to inflate the surface of the skin. The bottle had been shipped from Colombia via Federal Express.

The FDA tested the substance in the “Estestical Plus” bottle and determined it to contain dimethylpolysiloxane. Any dimethylpolysiloxane product that, when injected, was intended to reside under the skin to reshape the body, or plump wrinkles or skin folds, and which did not achieve its primary intended purpose through chemical action or metabolization, was a device under the FFDCA.

It should go without saying that you should seek out a real doctor when considering any sort of procedure. Going to your friend’s sister’s cousin’s uncle’s babysitter for a treatment is dangerous. Plus, the booty “trend” is nothing new. “Anaconda” samples the early-90s hit, “Baby Got Back,” and Jennifer Lopez put the booty on map long before the Kardashian clan was classing up our television sets. There are no quick fixes in life, or in health. So put down the doughnut and start a squatting.