Candidates Exhibit Lack of Shame to Win Your Vote

It’s tough to get voters to pay attention to campaigns during the summer, and it’s even tougher during a non-presidential election year. According to the Globe, the fifth district congressional candidates are pulling out all the stops.

Don’t be surprised if, sometime soon, you see one of them balancing a ball on their nose or attempting to swallow a sword.

One candidate has proposed a Wiffle ball tournament among the candidates and plans to play the tin whistle in an Irish folk band. Another traveled to Seabrook, New Hampshire, last weekend to work the room at a house party that he heard would contain dozens of vacationing Massachusetts voters. (It did.)

“Have parade, will travel,” said Scott Ferson, spokesman for Democratic candidate Eileen Donoghue. “It’s summer in the Fifth Congressional District, and you go to the opening of an envelope.”

That any of them even know what a “tin whistle” is, let alone how to play it, is remarkable. Ah, but it gets better. Candidate Niki Tsongas, widow of former Senator Paul Tsongas, is planning something called “PickNikis” and she’s dished out — wait for it — “Tscoops” of ice cream. You can’t make this stuff up.

But it could be worse. Instead of gimmicks, you could be buried in campaign leaflets. The other day, I came home to find not one, not two, but more than 10 Sam Seidel pamphlets scattered haphazardly on the ground outside my Cambridge apartment (Seidel is running for Cambridge City Council). They were everywhere. It looked like the CIA had resumed its propaganda program, but rather than dropping fliers in Communist Cuba, they landed on my doorstep instead. I was fearful that Seidel and his forces were planning to invade.

Just so you know, Sam, the rebels and I will fight to the death. Cambridge Libre!