Harvard: Too Good For You

Harvard hates you. Well, it doesn’t hate you so much as it thinks you’re too stupid to live. Even by Ivy League standards, the snooty Cambridge institution is notoriously difficult to get into. In Newsweek’s guide to the “25 Hottest Universities,” Harvard was named “Hottest for Rejecting You.”

An eye-popping 91.03 percent of applicants for the class of 2011 were told “thanks, but no thanks.”

The über-selective Ivies know their admission process is a dreary march toward disappointment. The Harvard admissions office, the prime offender, particularly feels the strain. Its top officials recently coauthored an essay in The Harvard Crimson, saying they hoped the elimination of Early Decision (along with Princeton’s and the University of Virginia’s) will give students more time to consider where to apply. That may reduce autumn-application pressure, but nine out of 10 of those candidates will still likely be getting bad news.

OK, relax. You probably can’t get into Harvard, but you can almost certainly get into semi-nearby Bates College. The liberal arts school in Lewiston, Maine, doesn’t require its applicants to take the SAT or the ACT.

No word on whether the diploma comes written in crayon but, if it does, just think about how pretty it’ll look when your mom pins it up on her fridge.

UPDATE: One Boston Daily reader came to the quick defense of Bates College, and sent this missive along:

“Hey, Bates is actually a pretty good school. Top 25 liberal arts I think. Although it is in Lewiston, ME, where I don’t think anything has happened since Muhammad Ali knocked out Sonny Liston.”

Noted. And funny.