Honest Advice for College Students

teacher.jpgThis week, we’ve been dropping some knowledge on the incoming college students of Boston on how to behave in a way that does not incur the ire of the natives. So far, we’ve covered the ins and outs of moving in and public transit, and today we get to the part college kids care about: Going out. Turn down that Fall Out Boy track on your iPod and learn something they won’t teach you at BU.

Part III: Going Out

For those of you who applied to schools in New York City and didn’t get in (hello, Emerson students!) and still hope to have the vibrant, hedonistic, all-night party experience, you’re going to be sorely disappointed in our nightlife. Boston is a “City on a Hill,” founded by Puritans to be an example for the entire world. And, as you may remember, Puritans weren’t known for their all-night raves, and our laws still reflect that. Most bars and clubs close between 1 and 2 a.m., and there are few late-night dining options.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Here is some advice on how to enjoy the precious few hours of nightlife Boston has to offer:

Bring a friend: Don’t expect to go out to a bar and meet people there. Boston has a reputation as an unfriendly city, and while that’s not entirely true the people aren’t exactly rays of gregarious sunshine either. While going with a buddy is a good safety practice, you don’t want to be that sad girl with a beer and no one to talk to.

Please don’t be indecent: Ladies, we know you are young and wrinkle-free. Good for you. However, we don’t want to see the curve of your buttcheek or 80 percent of your cleavage. This isn’t Miami, it’s Boston–keep yourself somewhat covered up.

Don’t be nasty to the staff: A bartender who knows your name in Boston isn’t just something that happens on TV. Don’t waste the bartender’s time. Don’t whine to the bouncer about a long line. Don’t bitch if the DJ doesn’t play your song right away. Once you develop a good relationship with the employees of your regular haunts, you’ll find the drinks become stronger, your tab becomes lighter, your line gets quicker, and your music gets played upon your arrival. (Ed. Note: Also, don’t be that guy who thinks he can win a fight with a bouncer. You can’t. And not only that, you won’t impress any girls. You’ll just get your ass kicked and look like a moron. Our bouncers don’t play.)

Please don’t be the sloppy drunk: It’s hard to believe, but the majority of the people you will meet in bars don’t go to school. It’s true. We go to relax after working for The Man all day and we can’t do that if a barely-legal girl is swaying around on her stack heeled Steve Maddens and gets our flight-or-fight instinct revved up. If you’ve had a few too many, stop drinking. Or go home. You should also go back to your dorm if. . .

You’re going to be ill: Hey, it happens. A few sugary-sweet libations hits you harder than you thought and you feel sick. Make your way to the bathroom or to an alley. Please don’t get sick at the bar. It puts us off our drinks, and that’s not easy.

Don’t rely on the T to get you home: Remember how we told you yesterday the T sucks? This is the biggest suck factor regarding the MBTA. A few years ago, the T tried Night Owl service, which consisted of buses that went to the subway stops after 2 a.m., but it didn’t last for long because it was unreliable. If you’re planning a late night, plan to hail a cab, and have cash on you because most cabbies don’t take your parents’ Visa.

Embrace the glory of late-night dining: It’s not easy, but you can find salvation in the form of eggs, coffee, and bacon at a few Boston establishments. News, a fun bar and restaurant near South Station, is open until 4 or 5 a.m. The South Street Diner is around the corner from News, and offers breakfast and sandwich options. Chain favorite IHOP has a mega location on Soldier’s Field Road in Brighton (not accessible by T) and one in Harvard Square that are open late for your carb-loading needs. The people watching at these restaurants is great–we once saw a man nod off into his ketchup-covered home fries and walk out with the smear still on his forehead.

Did we miss something? Add your input to the comments for posterity.

Tomorrow: What To (or What Not To) Wear