Drug Dealing 101: What Not to Do

Colleges are back in session, and not a moment too soon. Some of these kids are in desperate need of schooling.

Especially these two idiot freshmen from Northeastern.

According to the Globe, Michael Emery (who I’m guessing, given his entrepreneurial zeal, was going to major in business) was eager to jump start a burgeoning marijuana distribution business. And how did the 18-year-old decide to get the word out? See, that’s the genius part. Forget referrals or Craigslist, Emery went with old fashioned word of mouth. Appeal directly to your customers — that’s usually the best route.

Thing is, Emery leaned out the window and yelled that he had herb for sale. Seriously. Unfortunately for Emery and his roommate, Matthew Ferrante, two plainclothes policemen were close enough to hear the sales pitch. Oops.

After their room was searched and officers allegedly found marijuana, smoking accessories and liquor, the pair was arrested, arraigned, and apparently thrown out of school.

“I can tell you that they are no longer students here at Northeastern,” said Laura Shea, a school spokeswoman, who declined to comment further.

According to a statement from prosecutors, police went to the second floor of the dormitory after hearing Emery yell and found the door open. In plain view was a bottle of Grey Goose vodka, a shot glass, and a plastic baggie of marijuana, officials said. The officers knocked and identified themselves to Emery, of Haverhill, and Ferrante, of North Andover.

As they spoke to the teens, police spotted another bag of marijuana and a glass pipe, the district attorney’s office said.

The officers read the students their rights and received permission to search the room, according to the release. The search yielded eight small bags of marijuana, a larger bag containing three to four ounces of marijuana, hundreds of clear plastic baggies, and a digital scale, the DA’s statement said.

The officers also found a grinder, a bong, $1,045 in cash, bottles of of liquor, and a vaporizer, a device that uses heat to release marijuana’s intoxicating chemicals but does not burn the plant, officials said.

Whatever happened to just selling dime bags at frat parties? Higher education just isn’t what it used to be.