The Mating Call of the Harvard Man
Listen up all you hot, kind of smart, white girls. Have we got an offer for you. Or rather, one particularly odious Haaahvahd Man does. Apparently this chap split with his girlfriend over the summer (it “ended disastrously,” we can’t imagine why) and now he needs a date to his “final club” formal. So naturally, he posted an ad on craigslist outlining his criteria. Why didn’t he just go get a date the old fashioned way? Read on and we think you’ll find it would have been fairly hopeless.
You must be white, 5′6″ – 5′9″, young, blonde, attractive, and intelligent. You must be in school, preferably Tufts or Wellesley but BU and BC are acceptable (definitely not MIT).
You should be able to hold a conversation, know when to be quiet, and polite in all your behavior. I have seen unruly guests embarrass members before, and I hope this won’t be a problem. This event is black-tie, and I am willing to procure an evening gown for you.
I hate to sound so harsh, but I have expectations to live up to. No Asian, overweight, or unattractive women please. Ages 18-22 only.
So to review, you must be white (for the love of God, no Asians!), smart-but-not-too-smart, hot, know when to shut up and most definitely not 23-years-old (so over the hill).
Happy hunting old sport.