Pats Preview: Week 3
Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.
What a lame, let down of a week. Less than seven days ago, we were talking about fines and suspensions, draft pick forfeitures and a huge Sunday night game that people couldn’t wait to see. It was a total circus, and thoroughly entertaining from start to finish.
And now? Now all of that has been forgotten. Now we’ve got a game against Buffalo that figures to be a blowout and…uh…and that’s pretty much it. Head coach Bill Belichick yelled at some out-of-town reporter, but that’s about as exciting as it’s gotten this week. The transition feels like going from a party at the Playboy Mansion to a juggling show at MIT.
We must make our own fun this week, friends.
And what do we do when we’re short on pomp and circumstance? Why, we turn to Tom Brady, of course.
For, I dunno, the 100th time in the last two months, everyone’s favorite golden boy is on a magazine cover. This time around it’s the 50th anniversary issue of GQ. The magazine — which never goes light on hyperbole, because overstating something almost always gets the rubes to buy, buy, buy — has declared our fair Brady one of the 50 “icons of cool” over the last 50 years. Also making the list were guys like Steve McQueen (totally justified) and Beck (far more curious). Not making the list: Shaft. Which, frankly, makes the list highly suspect. (He’s a bad mother$#%!…shut yo’ mouth!)
Anyway, the GQ story prompted the Globe — also no stranger to overstatement — to put together a huge spread of pictures that reinforces what we already know: Brady is one handsome, talented dude. The best part about the Globe story, though, was that it included some of Brady’s truly great photos—from “Mountain Man Brady” (shag hair cut, stubble face), to “Is-That-an-F-ing-Goat-He’s-Nuzzling Brady” (in which he…well, you probably remember the picture). By the way, if you’re looking for a good time, try Googling “Tom Brady” and “goat” — it’s bound to bring a smile to your face.
Now, you may be wondering what all this has to do with the Bills. Just this: I don’t see any Buffalo players on the cover of the world’s finest men’s magazine. And I damn sure don’t see any of them hugging up on farm animals. That, dear readers, is what real men do. They put themselves out there. And since football is a real man’s game, I don’t see how the Pats can lose this weekend considering they have the realest man of all. Yup, that Brady is one Fancy Lad.
(Also, I want to appease all the Pats fans out there who yelled at me for picking against them last week. The lot of you frighten me. Please take your meds today.)
The Pick: If I know anything about football, it’s that Dandies rule the sport. Brady’s Bunch 35, Buffalo 10.