Pats Preview: Week 16

1193080546Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

Two games, two wins, until history. It’s never been done, but it is inevitable. The much-discussed 1972 Miami Dolphins went 14-0 during the regular season, then went on to win the Super Bowl and complete the NFL’s only perfect campaign.

They were rank amateurs.

If the Pats win Sunday, and they will, they’ll be the NFL’s first 15-0 team. And, as fate would have it, they’re playing the Dolphins. Most teams would overlook Miami. After all, the Fins have just one lonely win this season. Ah, but the Pats are not most teams. Why? Because, as you’ve likely heard, they are humble. And they enjoy pie. Pie of the humble variety.

Some out in Foxborough — the clever ones — call this combination humble pie.

This is their thing, and has been all season. They win every week, which might make heads swell. To avoid such unpleasantness, they are told of their many mistakes, and they willingly listen. Hence, a brilliant metaphor was born.

They are geniuses, no? Who could cook up with something so witty, so original, so essential? Because in addition to being a wonderful and fresh catchphrase, it also reminds them — when they are out driving their $100,000 cars or banging dangerously hot supermodels — that they aren’t much better or different than the rest of the population.

The architect — no, excuse me, the chef — is Bill Belichick. The head coach serves the “pie,” and the players “eat” it. How do I know? Well, for starters, the media has chronicled the whole affair. Thank God. Also, for the slow, there are T-shirts to drive the point home. For the slower, there are bumper stickers.

Yes, these pie and humility loving everymen are ready to seize their destiny. Or consume it. Whichever. Their thing is complicated, and the recipe is not easily followed. Careful when trying it yourself.

Cough. Sorry. The pie is also tough to swallow.

The Pick: Here’s a slogan they’re working on: “Pats Humble Pie — Now with More Dolphin!” New England 48, Miami 10.