Police Blotter Fun

As a public service, we recap the droll commentary and surprisingly stupid criminals that make the crime reports required reading.

New Year’s Eve is the finale of the holiday season. By the time the ball drops, your liver is pickled in spiked nog, the cookie bloat has set in, and all that time with the relatives has you on edge. While some of us channel this malaise and self-loathing into a drinking binge on December 31, others choose to act out in a criminal way.

BPDNews.com is full of criminals who enjoyed their holidays a bit too much. The Sunday before New Year’s Eve, police arrested a Dorchester man who assaulted the staff at a Burger King. Titled “I Have to Have My Whopper,” we’re left to believe the man was in the throes of the munchies, as several bags of pot were found on him when he was arrested.

Of course, New Year’s Eve brings out the drunk drivers. A Dorchester woman began her holiday celebrations around 2 p.m. and proceeded to drive her car backwards down a one-way street and crash into a parked car. In its typically witty way, BPD has a little fun at the woman’s expense.

Officers spoke to the operator of the car who admitted to them that she had consumed two shots of gin but stated to officers that there was no reason why she would not be able to successfully complete any sobriety tests. Despite the operator’s confidence, she failed both sobriety tests given to her.

Happy New Year, indeed.