Last Night’s Primary: Romney Wins

1198248225Victory! Two golds and two silvers! S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that is how you spell success!

For Mitt Romney and his brood, last night’s thrilling win in Michigan undoubtedly made them party well into the night, drunk on spirits and…what’s that? His religion prohibits what?…That poor bastard.

Well, either way, the man is back in the race, and all the pundits who pronounced him DOA in New Hampshire were exposed as frauds. This guy, in particular, is a special kind of idiot.

More than any of that, though, last night confirmed what so many of us have been saying for so long (Ok, we’ve been saying it for a day or two, but humor me): This is going to be a long, bloody primary season.

First, a few words from the Mittster on his big win. I warn you, though: What you’re about to read is not for the weak. Mitt got all Detroit-Rock-City on the crowd’s ass.

Well, tonight, tonight marks the beginning of a comeback, a comeback for America. Only a week ago, a win looked like it was impossible, but then you got out and told America what they needed to hear. You said we would fight for every job. You said that we would fight to get health care for all Americans. You said we’d fight to secure our border. You said you’d fight for us to be able to get lower taxes for middle-income Americans, and Michigan heard, and Michigan voted tonight. Congratulations!

Guys, it was not very far from right here that Ann and I and our family behind us began our campaign at the Henry Ford Museum of Innovation. Wow that’s powerful, I’ll tell you.

Crazy, right? I’m shocked the stage didn’t burst into flames or that he didn’t pick up Tagg and spike him to drive the point home.

In truth, I’m actually pretty thrilled that Mitt won last night. Had Arizona Sen. John McCain pulled off the victory, he would have had a lot of momentum heading into South Carolina. Now, with three different winners in the first three states (sorry, no, Wyoming and its sheep don’t count), the GOP field is wide open. And because it’s wide open, a number of analysts expect the battle to drag on for a little while.

And who knows — if we’re really lucky and things keep going this way, if the candidates keep cherry picking individual states and no clear frontrunner emerges, maybe we’ll be treated to a delegate fight at the convention.

That’s my kind of drama. (Sadly, I’m actually serious about this.)