Notice to the Herald: We Don’t Care About New York

Dear Herald,

1201271704Hello, friends. We’re not being facetious when we say that we genuinely like you. Normally we come to sing your praises, but lately we’ve been worried about you. No, not the dwindling circulation numbers. We’ve noticed over the past couple of days you’ve been trying to start a fight with New York in advance of the Super Bowl.

How can you be so out of touch with your readers? Guys, maybe you haven’t heard: we’re not scared of New York anymore.

We were willing to let yesterday’s cover slide. But when we picked up today’s paper and saw yet another cover meant to provoke New Yorkers we felt we should save you from yourselves.

You sound like an annoying little sister, tagging along and being a pain in the ass in the hopes you’ll get some scrap of attention. It’s not working. Neither the New York Post nor the Daily News took the bait. Sure, they’ve got Giants and Patriots coverage, but they’ve avoided a socioeconomic breakdown between the fans of the two teams.

We drink Amstel Light, not Bud Light. Giants fans slug back lots of whiskey.

We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts.

You know what you sound like? Smug New Yorkers. Just saying.

We love picking fights as much as the next media outlet. But most Pats fans view the Super Bowl as a mere formality before the team is 19-0 and the Best Football Team Ever. If we’ve learned anything this year, it’s that New York sports teams suck. So stop trying to instigate them, and just ignore them like the gnats they are.

Boston Daily