The Post-Super Bowl Blame Game
Bostonians love to find a scapegoat for their problems, especially when it comes to a colossal sports loss. (Hi, Grady, how’s retirement?) Last night’s loss, paired with our monstrous hangover, has us ornery and looking for someone to blame.
After the jump, we indulge in some finger-pointing.
Mayor Tom Menino
Last week, Hizzoner came under fire for planning a Super Bowl victory parade before the game had been played. The mayor’s office cited the difficulty of getting enough police officers in the city to keep sports fans calm and also assure us that polling places would be accessible for Super Tuesday voting. Democracy, schmocracy, this was perfection you toyed with, mayor!
Secretary of State William Galvin
He’s the one who proposed moving the primary to Super Tuesday, thus forcing the Mayor to plan the victory parade early.
The Globe and the Herald
You thought you were smart to put your books about the 19-0 season up for preorder on Amazon.com. We know you’ve got to cash in on the euphoria, but if people care that much they can pay for express shipping. A pox on both your houses.
Everyone named in this article
Why would you give your actual name while being a cocky bastard? Now your loved ones will shun you and your coworkers are going to let the air out of your tires. Hope you’re happy.
But most Pats fans view the Super Bowl as a mere formality before the team is 19-0 and the Best Football Team Ever. If we’ve learned anything this year, it’s that New York sports teams suck. So stop trying to instigate them, and just ignore them like the gnats they are.
Well, we still aren’t afraid of New York. Now we just really, really hate it. Also: Sorry. We’ll let the air out of our own tires at lunch.
Peyton Manning
We delighted in the Colts’ loss to the Chargers because we wouldn’t have to look at Peyton’s ugly face until next year. But no, last night we were treated to shot after shot of his elation. Also, he ruined the Double Stuf Oreo for us.
Gisele Bundchen
If we find out you had sex with Tom Brady on Saturday night, we will hunt you down. Women weaken legs, and Brady was already having trouble as it was.
Amber the Orangutan
Next time pick the opposing team’s shirt, you cursed beast.
Bill Belichick’s Hoodie
Yesterday, we wore what we’ve worn to every playoff game thus far. So why the hell did Belichick pick the Super Bowl as the time to experiment with a new style?
Where did he even get that sweatshirt? We can’t find it in the ProShop. Perhaps the team had the foresight to remove it before New Englanders bought it in bulk to burn in effigy.
