Yes You Can, but It Doesn’t Mean You Should

Dear Gov. Patrick,

Hello there, Governor. Boston Daily here. We know you’ve been pretty busy lately. Whether you’re campaigning for Sen. Barack Obama or ham-handedly trying to get your casino legislation passed, we doubt you have time to keep up with the gossip rags. But the last time someone shaved their head, it was the beginning of a downward spiral.

Forgive us, but we have to ask: Is everything okay, Governor Patrick?

Sure, it’s a little different when a man shaves his head. But we don’t think it’s a good look for you. Let’s just say when we read the headline “State House has a new dome” without the picture, you immediately came to mind. Your new cut just brings more attention to your already substantial noggin.

Not only are we worried about your appearance, but it raises questions about your mental well-being. Back when Britney Spears went the Ms. Clean route psychologists had a lot of theories about what it all meant.

Like a three-year old throwing a tantrum, Spears is acting out, said psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall. . . . “The hair represents the stylists, the handlers, people who are in control of her life and manage her looks,” Marshall added. “Now she’s saying, I’m in charge of my looks.”

Even your coworkers are worried about you.

“You should have seen her expression when I came in,” Patrick said, pointing toward Senate President Therese Murray. “It was most uncharitable.”

We just want the best for you, Governor. If the stress of Beacon Hill is getting to you, feel free to give us a call. We’re always happy to listen. And please, for the love of big-headed people everywhere, grow your hair back.

Sincerely,
Boston Daily