The Globe Attempts Coolness, Fails

1203007754One of the many things we like about the Herald is that it doesn’t attempt to be cool. It’s so retro that it becomes ironically hip.

The Globe, however, strives for coolness. Back in October, Alex Beam attempted to prove he’s so uncool that he’s cool and failed miserably. The stodgy daily tries to earn some cred again today, this time encouraging the young people to get out and party for science.

It’s like hearing your Mom attempting to use “fo’shizzle” correctly.


They are going to have a DJ spinning love songs, flowing beer and wine, and, like, tons of guys and gals dressed as alluringly as possible. For real. This party has all the makings of an off-the-hook Valentine’s Day bash.

It’s like a tour of the slang of the last three decades. We start out the with the barbaric yawp of the 80s teen film (“Parrrrrrttyyy!”), move on to the pause-filled ennui of the 90s (“and, like, tons of guys”), and end with an awkwardly hyphenated shout-out to rap culture.

We haven’t been this embarrassed by an elder misusing slang since we were in our flannel shirts and listening to Nirvana. Well done, Globe.