What Does ‘Jacques’ Rhyme With?

1203706573Howie Carr’s column today is on former State Senator Cheryl Jacques, who recently got appointed to nominated for the bench. Naturally, because she’s a politician who isn’t dead or Steve Murphy, and is appearing in Carr’s column, she’s in for a beating. Fair enough. But still, the lead seemed a little, hmm, familiar. Like we’d read it before. Now far be it from us to criticize Howie for recycling material, but still, it sent us, just on a hunch, to Nexis.

And just look at what we found.

The hack du jour is former state Sen. Cheryl Jacques, which rhymes with “Fakes.”

8.17.07 (about patronage at the Pike)
Sen. Cheryl Jacques’ (rhymes with Fakes) brother ($96,485 a year).

Then there was Sen. Brian “Multiple Choice” Joyce, who has lately been following Deval Patrick around like the lapdog that he is. He said gay couples deserve the same rights, which I guess means he’s buried the hatchet with Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes), who had the temerity to run against him for Congress back in 2001.

Boston Mayor Mumbles Menino, Medford Mayor Mike McGlynn, House Speaker Pro Tem Tom Petrolati, Reps. Tony Petrucelli, John Fresolo, Paul Kujawski and Michael Kane, ex-Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes), Governor’s Councilor Chris Iannella Jr. and Register of Probate Chris Iannella, state Auditor Joe DeNucci, ex-Worcester Mayor Ray Mariano . . . do you get the picture?

Don’t confuse it with “director of business development.” That’s filled by the brother of former Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes).

Angus McQuilken, a 300-pound Butterball who dreamed of following in the footsteps of his mentor, ex-Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes), into a long and undistinguished career as a tool of the teachers unions. He lost this year not once, but twice, to Sen. Scott Brown, first in a special March election, then in November.

Everybody at the Pike has a pedigree. You know about Auditor Joe DeNucci’s foul-mouthed ex-cabbie brother who’s a tolltaker. You’re familiar with Steve Jacques, the brother of ex-Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes).

There’s a sort of spring cleaning of Democrats going on in the Senate – Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes), Guy Glodis, and now Magnani. But unlike most big Senate turnovers, this one hasn’t involved a single target letter from the grand jury.

No State House hacks were worrying about John Kerry yesterday. Instead they had their bloodshot, beady little eyes fixed on the special Senate election in the district once represented by Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with fakes).

But in the Legislature, no rep dares say boo as the motorists get trimmed again. In the affected areas, the shadier legislators are bought off with jobs for their hack relatives, the way they did with Sen. Cheryl Jacques, rhymes with Fakes. And those few who aren’t for sale seem to have forgotten Benjamin Franklin’s old adage that we must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

In case you were wondering how to pronounce it, Sen. Cheryl Jacques’ last name rhymes with Fakes. Sometimes it’s mispronounced Jacks, which rhymes with hacks, and that’s an understandable mistake, given her family’s roots in the hackerama.

Another thing: Do you really trust the Pike wizards to manage the removal of a set amount of money from your bank account each month? This isn’t a credit-card company, this is a hackerama full of droolers like the $ 77,913-a-year brother of Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes).

But Mass Spike isn’t just for billionaires. It also provides plenty of good jobs at good wages for the friends of Fat Matt Amorello, and I don’t just mean the brother of Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes). Steve Jacques makes $ 68,000. Have you ever heard Sen. Jacques say boo about the toll hikes?

The caller asked me, “Do you know Cheryl Jacques?”
Do I know Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes)?
“Her sister-in-law Kathy’s a court officer in the Framingham District Court.”
Indeed she is, for $ 52,196 a year.
A call was placed to Sen. Fakes to confirm that she is related to the hack in Framingham. The call was not returned. I take that as a confirmation.

Mother of Gawd, what’s next? Is Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes) pricing a new crossbow?

Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes). Caught a bad break, running as a hard-left disarm-America-now candidate on Sept. 11. Nasty rotten campaign from a nasty rotten person. Loser.

How desperately do the shrews of NARAL and Emily’s List want this seat? What a trophy – Joe Moakley’s district, the most Irish in the nation. To replace an urban pro-life World War II veteran with . . . Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with fakes). Cheryl Jacques, the only woman in the Democratic field, and the only candidate to suffer a bimbo eruption during the campaign.

First up, Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes). When she first ran in 1992, she said of Bulger that it was “time for him to go.” Once she got to the Senate, she decided it was indeed time for him to go – to her fund-raiser.

Sen. Cheryl Jacques (rhymes with Fakes) forgot a cardinal rule of political life: You never put your 20-something gal-pal on your own payroll when you can let some other solon hire your Sapphic soulmate and give her the 92 percent pay raise.


Whew. And that’s just the last seven years. I just have two questions for Howie: 1. Who does Cheryl Jacques’ brother work for? And 2. WHAT RHYMES WITH “JACQUES”?!?!