Weekend Redux: What You Missed

Just because you spent all weekend in a pool of your own sweat doesn’t mean the world stopped moving. We round up the notable stories you missed.

1212681530 Those of you who like to take in the 4th of July fireworks from the Longfellow Bridge had better come up with a plan B.

The Department of Conservation and Recreation, which manages the bridge, announced the closure yesterday after an inspection late Thursday night showed a support beam below one sidewalk needs immediate repair. Pedestrians will be detoured to the opposite sidewalk, which will remain open to normal foot traffic but closed to large crowds, such as the Fourth of July audience.

That kayak is looking better and better.

John Kerry has a problem. Jim Ogonowski may have essentially disqualified himself from the Republican ballot, but Kerry is facing competition from within his own party for the first time since 1984.

Great. High gas prices are not only hurting our wallets, but may also damage our stuff if our neighbors get the bright idea to hoard gasoline in their apartments.

See, we don’t think the Legal Seafoods fish ads on the Green Line are offensive. In fact, we even like the one the company deemed in poor taste.

“This trolley is a lot like your mother. Anyone with a couple of bucks can get a ride.”

Nearly a decade after their heyday, we still love a good yo-mamma joke.

It’s hot. Like, really hot.

So you’ll have to excuse our lack of excitement over the news that Hillary Clinton finally, mercifully ended her campaign on Saturday. Also forgive us for only being able to muster a half-hearted chuckle at the news that John Kerry will indeed face a primary challenge from Gloucester lawyer Ed O’Reilly.

We felt only a flicker of indignation that a cabal of marketers is trying to cash in on the ever-growing crowd of Celtics bandwagoners by producing t-shirts with twee slogans on them. The idea of touching another human being repulses us in this heat, never mind dancing a tango with someone.

The one thing that does make our shallow breath come faster? News that cooling our apartments off is going to cost us a small fortune. Guess we should have taken a dive into the ocean, even if it had only recently melted.