Townie Town Hall

Boston Daily’s interns read the community papers so you don’t have to. It’s win-win, people.

Cambridge Unknowingly Stages Cheap Frankenstein Re-Enactment

The Cambridge Chronicle reports that a mob of people wielding shovels and rakes attacked a local man in North Cambridge on the evening of July 2nd. The 21-year-old was jumped while walking past Jefferson Park public housing, but the crowd dispersed when police arrived. The cops don’t know the motive for the attack but, um, shovels and rakes? Everyone knows you can’t be a legit angry mob without pitchforks and torches.

Slowest News Week Ever—Or, Further Proof That Animals Are Changing Their Shapes and Colors in a Bid to One Day Dominate Us?

The late-breaking news from the Somerville Journal is this headline story: “White squirrels rare, not unheard of in Somerville.” Take a look at that photo. That’s one scary-looking squirrel. And it appears to be in low flight. Can it not only change its color but transcend its physical limitations? And what about this chipmunk? It’s skiing! Skiing! End times, we tell you. End times.
Beyond Street Corners

The Brookline TAB reports that four Greenpeace activists, one of them from Brookline, were arrested for handcuffing themselves together at Kimberly-Clark, one of the world’s largest toilet paper manufacturers. The protesters infiltrated the office building by impersonating movers before demanding the company “stop destroying one of North America’s wildest forests.” How about if they stop harassing us on the street and saying things like, “Dude, I know you like polar bears.”

Gateway to the Unknown (Freak-yyy!)

The Allston-Brighton TAB reports that the new gateway to Packard’s Corner is complete. The 22-foot high sculpture… er, contraption, features multiple rotating blue panels which the artist, Peter Brooks, describes as “kinetic.” Paul Berkeley, Allston Civic Association president, says that it reflects the town’s unique vibe. He adds, “We don’t want a statue because who do you pick?” He continues, “We don’t want a clock because we don’t need to know what time it is.” No, what Allston needs is a sculpture no one can comprehend.

—DAVID MASHBURN, LISA LOMBARDI

Photo of jumping white squirrel by KATHLEEN POWERS, Somerville Journal