Townie Town Hall

1216843659The interns at Boston Daily read the community papers so you don’t have to. Then they blog for us. Hilarity ensues. (Often enough, that is.)

The Apocalypse Directive: Taking out former GOP candidates one at a time

In his new novel, Douglas McKinnon, conservative commentator, avid Mitt Romney supporter, and Dorchester novelist, pits a Dorchester man against an evangelical organization hell-bent on “nuking all the Muslims in the world,” according to the Dorchester Reporter.

The novel was inspired by Mike Huckabee’s Jesus-infused presidential run, of which Mr. McKinnon was not a fan. If Romney’s ass-kissing doesn’t land him the VP position, we can probably look forward to a novel on McCain leading a platoon of AARP members in an unsuccessful bid to retake North Vietnam.

Don’t Go Making Phony Calls

Two burglars stole over $5,000 worth of cell phones and Blackberrys from a T-Mobile store in Brighton, according to the Allston-Brighton TAB. The next day the manager of the store received a voicemail from one of the stolen phones but the message could not be made out. The burglars then called a demonstration phone in the store while the police were still investigating the break-in. Who needs to return to the scene of the crime when you can just call?

Somebody Had Too Many Wine Coolers

The Medford Transcript writes that a Hell’s Angels backyard barbecue celebrating the recent release of a friend from jail was interrupted when a couple of Devil’s Disciples decided to ride past the party. One of the Angels was arrested after he followed the men to a nearby gas station, struck one with his motorcycle helmet and stomped on another with his boots. Wonder who will attend that jailhouse mixer?

Battle of the Bulge

According to the Somerville Journal, a local man hid a bag of marijuana down the front of his pants during a police search in hopes that the cops wouldn’t “embarrass” him and look there. The man repeatedly tried to dissuade the police from searching his groin area and was so resistant that it took four police officers and pepper spray to arrest him. Never before have we heard of a guy doing so much to not draw attention to his bulge.

Friendly Reminder From the Public Health Commission

The South Boston Tribune reminds readers that when getting a tattoo or piercing, they should be careful to visit only establishments licensed by the Public Health Commission. The paper warns to “never get a tattoo or piercing from a person who works out of his or her home, car or van.” Great. What are we supposed to do when we’re drunk and feel the need for another Celtic cross tattoo?

Yo, I Needs Cash to Save ‘Em Polar Bears

The Brookline TAB reports that a Longwood-area resident has allegedly endured years of scamming from a man posing as a Greenpeace activist. The resident recently contacted the environmental organization and learned that the clipboard-bearing poser did not work for them. To be fair, Greenpeace doesn’t deserve the negative publicity from this guy’s antics: they have their own stunts for that.