A Christmas Miracle at the Turnpike

1222440947We finished losing our baby teeth decades ago, so we haven’t given much thought to the tooth fairy lately. But since we’re apparently going to have to start yanking out our permanent teeth to fund our trips on Turnpike-controlled roads, we hope that the mythical creature is real.

“There’s no tooth fairy,” said board member Michael P. Angelini. “We’re going to have to get some revenue from [tolling] the road.”

D’oh! Hope the kids didn’t choose today to read the newspaper. Way to go, Mike.

It’s time for a Plan B. Perhaps another childhood favorite can help the Massachusetts Turnpike deal with its crushing debt load. We’re thinking about the big guy himself—Santa Claus.

And the best part is, we won’t have to wait until December for a little magic from St. Nick. A man named Santa Claus is on the ballot in West Virginia. Since the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees aren’t doing much to help end the financial crisis, perhaps America will go with some real change and elect Mr. Claus.

We bet president-elect Claus will view Massachusetts fondly. Our Secretary of State has been doing his best to help investors get their money back from Wall Street. Our great financial minds knew the subprime mortgage market was going to be problematic 11 years ago. And we must be doing something right—we’re kind of gaining jobs, while unemployment soars elsewhere.

All we have to do is get on Claus’ knee and ask him to bail out the Turnpike Authority since we’ve been so good this year. Worst case scenario is that he brings us all ponies, and it’ll take the Turnpike Authority a while to figure out the toll structure for the horses galloping through the Ted Williams Tunnel.