Weekend Redux: What You Missed

Just because you spent all weekend stomping through puddles, it doesn’t mean the world stopped moving. We round up the notable stories you missed.

Saturday
Looks like they got the game in on Friday night. Though it may have gone better if the Red Sox made like us and decided not to show up. Ouch.

Instead of sitting in a damp and dreary Fenway Park, we had a few beers and suffered through the first presidential debate. Unlike the Red Sox, neither John McCain nor Barack Obama made any embarrassing gaffes.

Ted Kennedy had another seizure on Friday. But he was back in Hyannisport in time to watch the debates. Don’t they have televisions at the hospital? Stay put if you need to, Teddy.

We believe that asking Pike drivers to pay for the Big Dig is unfair. But we also don’t feel like watching the gas tax jump three or four cents a gallon in order to end tolls on the east-west highway. When life’s inherent unfairness works to our advantage, we’re OK with it. (Apologies, commuters.)

Man, we can’t wait for the trial of Clark Rockefeller, who was indicted on Friday.

“We know a prosecutor can indict a ham sandwich if he wants to,” [Rockefeller’s lawyer Stephen Hrones] said.

Indict some lettuce, tomato, and mustard as co-conspirators, and we’ve got lunch!

Sunday
Pour out some salad dressing for Paul Newman, who died on Saturday at age 83.

The financial crisis has everyone terrified. Everybody stock up on the Xanax and canned goods!

With the economy in a tailspin, we expect dive bars will make a comeback. We’ll all be living the Miller High Life!

Sonia Chang-Diaz remains the Democratic nominee in the Second Suffolk District senate race after Saturday’s recount. Dianne Wilkerson continues to campaign as a rogue Democrat.

Want more proof the electoral college is an antiquity? College kids from swing states are being encouraged to vote absentee in their home states instead of registering in Massachusetts. Just make sure you put the right amount of postage on the envelope, kids.