Sarah Palin’s Excellent New Hampshire Adventure

1223667778Thank God gas prices are going down. Now we Bay Staters will be able to afford a trip to New Hampshire to see Republican vice presidential hopeful Sarah Palin. Dover High School will host the Alaska governor for a town hall-style event on Wednesday morning.

We can just imagine her itinerary.

7 a.m.: Wake up. Insist on breakfast of pancakes with local maple syrup. Say, “I love eating exotic local foods!”

8 a.m.: Arrive at Dover High School. Scan kids in the audience to find possible replacement for that no-good impregnating Levi.

10 a.m.: Run SNL lines. Don’t quite get the jokes.

11 a.m.: Start speech with “How many hockey moms are in the house?!”

11:15 a.m.: Wink. Be sure to wink at the teachers, not the students.

11:30 a.m.: “How about those Tampa Bay Rays?” Recoil in horror at boos.

12 p.m.: Depart stage with a wave. Send staffer to get number of cute boy in front row for Bristol.

1 p.m.: Return to hotel. Give the papers a cursory glance. All of them.

1:30 p.m.: Ask staffer if she can go moose hunting.

1:35 p.m.: Staffer reports that she’s missed the start of moose hunting season by three days.

2 p.m.: Head to airport. Ask pilot to inform her when they fly over Massachusetts. Hold breath, as if passing a cemetery.

Photo from New Hampshire Fish and Game website