Best One-Liners from Southie's Political Roast

Every St. Patrick’s Day, politicians gather for a breakfast roast before the Southie parade — a chance for the usually stiff to poke fun at their allies, opponents, and themselves. And although everyone was excited to see Democrat Elizabeth Warren face off against U.S. Senator Scott Brown, the favorite target was former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney (who was not present). Here, the best one-liners from the morning:

Therese Murray, senate President: “A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar, and the bartender says, ‘What will it be, Mitt?’

Scott Brown, U.S. Senator: “Gail and I almost did not make it here today. You know, the truck has almost 230,000 miles on it. I almost didn’t make it here. But Governor Romney was nice enough to give me one of his Cadillacs, so we’re all set.”

Elizabeth Warren, U.S. Senate candidate: “I actually heard that Scott Brown’s barn jacket cost $600. Wow, here’s a guy who could use a consumer advocate.”

Joseph P. Kennedy III, U.S. House candidate: “I’m very sorry to be late; my mom made me promise to clean my room before I came.”

Tim Murray, lieutenant governor: “Let me be clear, contrary to the rumors, Danica Patrick was not in the car with me the morning of the accident. Actually, she was the pace car in front of me.”

The best zinger of the morning, though, belonged to Brown, when he turned toward the GOP presidential candidates: “I see that both Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum now have Secret Service with them on the campaign trail. And in Santorum’s case, I think it’s actually the first time he’s ever used protection.”

Oh, snap!